Apothic Eve
by Lavender Wine
Summary: I thought I saw some weird things working at a hospital. That was before I found myself with an unexplained memory gap and woke up in a strange country called Ferelden. Now I'm stuck in a war torn world that's falling to pieces and being lauded as a miracle for my knowledge of modern medicine. Oh and did I mention there's a hole in the sky? Varric was right: this shit IS weird.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **What's up guys? This is a little project that I decided to start for some stress relief for me. This is something of a self insert and I will be working on this as I feel like it. For the first few (I can't give you a specific number) there won't be any of the main crew at all. But don't worry, our awesome characters are coming!** **I was just going to keep this posted on AO3 only but I decided to post it here too. Enjoy!**

One of the first things I became aware of when I started to regain consciousness was that my scrubs were sticking to me uncomfortably in places and others felt dry and crusty. The next thing I became aware of was that I was clearly laying down on top of something very soft and I realized that it was fur! For a delirious moment, I thought that I was on top of an animal of some sort but as I dragged my heavy eyes open, I realized that it was just a skin that was laid over hard and cold earth.

I was not in my apartment that was for sure. Over my head was a tarp, a tent really with sunlight filtering between the stitched panels of fabric. Slowly, I blinked in confusion. I'd never even been camping so I was pretty sure that I would remember the sudden decision to go. Still gripped by lethargy, I looked down to see that I was covered with a thick, scratchy blanket. Normally I would throw it off because the sensation was extremely unpleasant against my skin but I could feel a bitter cold air seeping underneath it to nip at my flesh.

Feeling a deep chill, I tried to huddle further down into the blanket when I gave a strangled cry of pain. I became acutely aware of how it was hard for me to breathe and how the left side of my rib cage hurt terribly. But more than that there was an excruciating series of throbs and stabbing sensations across my abdomen. With a pained groan, I lifted my right hand to my stomach under the blankets. Beneath my clumsy fingers I could feel dried blood and a lot of it.

What was going on? Why was I so injured? Confused, I tried to recall my day. The day had started out normal enough: I had woken up on time with my alarm, ate some breakfast and drove to the hospital for my twelve hour shift. I remembered arriving and getting my assignment for the night. But beyond that…everything was annoyingly blank. Why could I not remember? Tentative hands rose to palpate around my scalp in search for an injury. I flinched when I found a swollen knot, scabbed over with dried blood on the left side of my head.

I also noticed that when I grimaced that there was a sharp pain on the right side of my face near my jaw. When I felt around there, I found another slash, dried over with blood. When my breathing grew particularly labored and ragged from moving my arms around so much, I let my arms flop back down onto the scratchy blanket limply. There was a horrible pressure in the left side of my chest. I furrowed my brows in thought as I tried to catch my breath. That must be a stab wound and I had a pneumothorax. Sluggishly I brought my hand up to my left side and carefully palpated the area, I was rewarded with pain and a popping and crackling sensation in my flesh. Crepitus…definitely a pneumothorax.

My arms grew cold quickly so I struggled back beneath the blanket to take refuge in the trapped heat. Everything seemed to hurt and ache so much, I was beginning to wonder if I had been hit by a car. My weary gaze turned to the flap of the tent that was slightly parted for me to see outside. I was clearly in a forest but it was not a terribly deep one. The trees were fairly spaced apart, leaving plenty of room to wander between their thick trunks. But the earth was damp, I could smell the wet soil and foliage as it wafted into the tent. And I could smell a burning fire, the crackling of flame reaching my ears at last.

A fire? Just where was I? Why was I out in the middle of nowhere? I lived in a city! I wanted to see where I was so I tried to sit up but quickly flopped back down with a pained cry. It felt like I had been run over, I was so sore. I gasped for breath and sat still once more, trying to even out my breathing. That was when the flap of the tent drew back, a woman dressed in strange robes emerged into the line of sight and entered the tent.

"Ah, you're awake. Try not to move, you are still very injured."

I blinked slowly at her. She was pretty but had a haggard look about her. The stranger's skin was pale, naturally so and her cheeks were dusted with freckles, her hair was ginger and pulled back into a small ponytail to keep it out of her face. Her eyes were a steely grey and were rimmed with dark circles that spoke of poor sleep for a long time. Her robes were long but somehow still practical for the weather. They flowed down to her ankles and hugged the rest of her frame tightly. This stranger had a hardened physique but still clung to some womanly curves to fill her out nicely.

"Why are you dressed like that?" I blurted out unceremoniously.

She raised a red brow at me, "I could ask you the same thing. I have never seen such clothing."

"They're…scrubs." I said slowly in disbelief, "You know…the uniform for hospitals?"

"A…a what now?"

Had this woman never heard of a hospital before? Just what backwater part of the world was I even in? And how the hell did I get here? How did I manage to go from my state's capital city to a country in the middle of nowhere where they had not heard of a hospital before?

"A hospital…You know the very large building where very sick people go?"

"You mean like a clinic? Although I've not heard of a large one."

"No…" I shifted under the blanket, "A clinic is too small. A clinic has only about 10 rooms or so to see patients. The hospital I work at has over 500 beds for patients and they can stay for extended periods of time."

The woman fell quiet. Had she really never heard of such a thing? I found it so difficult to believe that I was in an area so rural and third world that they had not even HEARD of a hospital. But the expression she was giving me was clear she had never heard of such a building that could house that many sick people.

"You truly aren't from here…" she muttered under her breath.

I almost didn't hear her but I did, "What do you mean? Where am I?"

"You are in Ferelden, about a week's journey north of the Hinterlands."

"Where…?"

"Of course that…wouldn't mean anything to you. Before I explain everything, we should start by introductions. I suspect you will be with me for a ways yet. I'm Ellandra."

"Evalyn. Although you can call me Eva or Evie if you really want."

"Nice to meet you, Evalyn. Now…This is going to be…rather hard to absorb. You came through a Rift."

"A what?" I blinked at her bemusedly.

"A Rift." Ellandra repeated patiently, "It's a tear that opens up between our world and the Fade."

"The…Fade? What on earth are you talking about?"

I was beginning to wonder if Ellandra had been using drugs or something. She wasn't making any sense at all. Rifts? Fade? Perhaps it was slang for something? That seemed more plausible. Ellandra shifted so she could kneel down next to me.

"It's…better if I show you. Let me fix up these wounds of yours first. I spent a lot of energy just trying to patch you together so you didn't bleed to death."

How was she going to fix me up enough that I could walk? I could barely even move while laying down so the idea of me being able to get up and walk today was laughable at best. And then an aura of pale green light sprang up around her hands as she drew near to me. My heart froze in my chest and my eyes snapped wide open, curling away from her in surprise and fear.

"Wh-what?! How?! What the hell is that?!"

Ellandra pulled her hands away from me with her own eyes wide in shock, "You've…never seen magic before?"

Magic? Magic? As in something beyond the typical tricks and smoke and mirrors? I couldn't believe what was happening before me. I didn't want to trust her. If she was able to do something like this, what else was she capable of doing? Was this even real? Her hands were GLOWING! I clenched my fists tightly and breathed slowly, forcing myself to take as deep of breaths as I could to settle myself down.

'If she wanted to kill me, she could have long before I woke up.' I told myself, 'And with the condition I am in…even if I fight, I won't be able to win. Might as well take a chance.'

I forced myself to still and tried to level out my breathing, "No…no I haven't just…just do it."

Ellandra studied me for a moment quietly, reading the uncomfortable expression on my face before she stepped forward and hovered her glowing hand over my torso. Warmth threaded into my flesh, muscle and bone and the pain started to ease away. I could feel my wounds knitting together until my injuries were healed over. The pain had nearly vanished and the only thing left behind was a deep soreness. But that was far preferable to what I had been feeling before.

Still not quite processing what just unfolded before me, I patted on my torso, searching for wounds that were no longer there. It was like nothing had ever happened. I was terrified, intrigued and thrilled all in the same breath. Magic. Actual magic, not the illusions that people did but the real thing. The idea was terrifying just from the thought of what it could do and do to me. But at the same time I found myself nearly salivating at the very idea of its potential. Could everyone learn magic here? But then "here" was already looking to be mind blowingly different.

'Ferelden…' I repeated in my head.

It led me down a spiral of thoughts of where I was, how I got here and how I for some odd reason could not seem to remember anything past me arriving for my shift at the hospital. I was prepared to think of it all as a prank until Ellandra used magic right in front of me. The witch reached out and took a hold of my arm and began to help me to my feet. Everything ached terribly and it was so damn cold out of the blanket. In a rush, I leaned down and snatched up the blanket and wrapped it around me before exiting the tent with my savior.

Everything almost seemed normal. The woods were serene and the trees had shifted their colors to the banner of autumn. Although there were some trees still littering the forest with patches of green. The air smelled of wet soil and the sky overhead was overcast. Everything seemed normal except for one thing: there was this large, glowing green spot in the sky almost like a gaping hole. And there was a pillar of that same pale green light stretching down to the earth well over the horizon. I didn't know what it was or how it got there but the sight of it filled my stomach with a sense of dread. In someways, it almost looked pretty but something about it seemed so inherently wrong that I couldn't bring myself to appreciate any kind of aesthetic that it offered.

"What…what is that?" I asked breathlessly, eyes wide.

"We call it the Breach." Ellandra answered me, sagely, "It's a great tear in our sky that leads into the Fade and demons pour from it every day. It is the source of all of the Rifts, smaller tears in the Veil."

Rifts? Fade? Breach? The veil? What was all of this? At first I was convinced that she was on drugs but she was entirely too coherent and this…was a lot of stuff to just come up with. Perhaps **I** was the one who had been drugged? It could explain why I couldn't remember my shift at the hospital. I had never done drugs before but this all seemed too coherent to be a trip or something.

'Well, if this is some weird drug trip, I guess the only thing I can do at this point is play along.'

"What…is the Fade exactly?"

Ellandra furrowed her brows, "Let's sit you back down in the tent, I think it's best I try to tell you everything."

Xxxxx

Ellandra was truly a blessing for she took me under her wing, despite the fact that she had seen me come through one of the "rifts". Things in this land were always turbulent when it came to magic, mages and demons but with the emergence of the Breach things had escalated to chaotic levels. Hearing her talk about the war made me realize just how fortunate I was that she found me and had the discerning eye to see the "shades" trying to attack me.

In this war, attacking first and asking questions later was a practice of survival.

"So what else can you do with your magic?" I inquired curiously, huddling closer to the fire for warmth.

"Many things. Magic within the Circle Towers has many branches and there are many other lost arts to time. Some of the main ones you see are Spirit, Inferno, Storm and Winter. Although there is also a Creation branch that has precious few practitioners within it's realm. The Creation branch produces the best healers and Thedas is in a dire need for more in these times."

I had yet to see the full atrocities that came with war, but learning that I was in such a torn country frightened me. At home, everything was peaceful. Well, peaceful was not the right word. There had been a lot of civil unrest and great social injustices in the States but I could still step out of my home without seeing people fighting to the death in the streets.

I used to dream of adventure but after being tossed, ass-first into Ferelden I just wanted to go home. Things may not have been perfect by any means but we did not have wars and battles happening right on our doorsteps. Or at least I didn't. I sorely wanted it back. And yet…there was a part of me that was torn here. Hearing their need for healers planted a thought…an idea into my head that could be considered hare-brained and reckless. I may have been a simple Respiratory Therapist but my medical knowledge would probably be far more than any expertise they had here. And if I could learn magic…it made me wonder just what I could do with my own knowledge.

"Can anyone be a mage? Or is it natural born?"

"Magic is born to children. Some consider it a blessing but many, a great many, would call it a curse."

"And…" I wrapped my blanket even tighter around me, "What do you consider it?"

Ellandra gave me a weary smile, "Both."

I fell silent at that answer. She had told me that many civilians were fearful of magic and mages but it just made me wonder even more what that life was like. It must be pretty bad if there many who consider their gift a curse. Despite hearing of this about magic, I couldn't help but feel crestfallen that it was something that one was only born with. I may have wanted to go home but the allure of being able cast spells was too strong for me to ignore entirely.

My mind drifted back to the rifts and a thought crossed me, "Ellandra?"

"Yes?"

"Why…why DID you save me? What if you had been wrong? What if I was a demon? Or what if I was just not a nice person? Why would you put yourself at risk for a stranger and one in my…unique circumstances?"

"No spirit can be pulled through that Rift and not be shifted into a demon. I've seen it far too many times. Plus, you were bleeding and demons don't bleed." The mage folded her arms across her chest, her eyes growing distant, "And I have seen far too many innocents killed in this war. I didn't know who or what you were specifically but I felt that I could not stand by and let you die. I had to see for myself and so far I feel like I made the right choice."

I gave her a grateful smile, "Well thank you. I was very fortunate that you were the one who found me."

She gave me a dry smirk, "Yes, you were."

Xxxxx

The next day Ellandra fixed up the rest of my wounds and we set to walking, carrying our things. This brought up a few challenges for me. One being that I was terribly out of shape and we had to stop frequently but my mage savior was unerringly patient with me. The next was that while my wounds were healed, I still had the unresolved pneumothorax, which made it even HARDER to breathe and keep up. The other challenge was that because of me being out of shape, my scrubs were the only thing I could wear since I was too big for any of Ellandra's spare robes. So that meant I was forced to wrap that blanket around my arms and torso in a very awkward and strange way. I wasn't morbidly obese but I was by no means a skinny Minnie. The last challenge was that I realized very quickly that I had no survival skills at all. I did not know how to make a fire, I did not know how to forage for food, and my sense of direction has always been utter shit. I didn't even know how to pitch a tent.

I didn't know how to hunt either and I found myself sorely wishing I had gone with my father more since he used to hunt for sport. Ellandra was using her own supplies and rations to help me and I had no way to even repay her. No resources and no useful skills really. And I couldn't even keep up with her to make up for it. Three days we trudged through the wilderness with me collapsing to sleep inside the tent whenever we stopped to make camp.

"I'm so sorry…!" I huffed, trying to catch my breath, "I'm just not used to this!"

"Clearly." She said in humor but not unkindly, "Do people not travel where you are from?"

"We do…we just have…devices, large devices that carries us over long distances. This journey we are making now could be made within a few hours, probably."

"Truly?" her eyes sparked in curiousity, "When we set up camp tonight you will have to tell me about your world!"

I laughed weakly, finally starting to catch my breath, "If I don't pass out straight away again!"

Ellandra laughed in good humor and kept walking. It was so cold out but it was at least warmer than the early mornings. It had taken those first three days to get used to being up in the sunlight since I had just come from a night shift job. Normally I operated better at night even when I was on a daytime schedule but I was thankful for every drop of warmth I was able to absorb from the sun.

"Hey, where are we going anyway?" I called up to her, increasing my pace to try and keep up.

"To Redcliffe. It's in the Hinterlands but I suspect we have several more days yet before we reach it."

I gave an exhausted, quiet groan at the thought.

"What's in Redcliffe? Family?"

"A friend…"

The tone she spoke with sounded like there was more than friendship involved but I decided not to push it. It was not my business and she would tell me if she wanted to.

"And after we meet up with your friend, then what?"

Ellandra paused and gave me a pensive glance over her shoulder, "We set out. Get away from all this. With mages and templars both drunk on their new freedom, everyone is getting torn apart and caught in the middle. Neither side will see reason so we must look out for ourselves and keep out of everything."

A frown quirked across my lips. Doing nothing in hard times was something that never sat well with me and hearing that proposal made me uncomfortable. But I kept my mouth shut. I knew nothing about this world, knew even less about how to take care of myself in these conditions and I wasn't about to make the kind woman who had saved me angry. She knew more about all of this than I did so I decided it was better to trust her judgement.

By the time we set up camp that evening I was damn near tears. I was tired, viciously sore from both my old wounds and the physical work we were going through to trek the country side. I was hungry and having to eat way less than I was used to even living a relatively low activity lifestyle. Top that off with the bitter cold that I was not used to, in a foreign land I knew nothing about and a heavy feeling of guilt for being a drain on Ellandra's resources and that left me feeling more than a little overwhelmed. I plopped down by the fire, swallowing the lump in my throat and tried to reign in my distress. I was already proving my inability to keep up in this world, I didn't want to compound that with me being emotionally incapable as well.

"I'm sorry." I told her in a flat tone, the only way I could speak without having a tremor in my voice.

"You have told me this numerous times. Do not worry so much about it."

But I was worrying about it. One of the biggest rules in my household was: don't be a burden or an inconvenience. And this arrangement left me being exactly that in my perspective. I clenched my jaw and tried to reign in my emotions but was struggling beneath it all. Ellandra seemed to sense my distress and instead of asking me about what was wrong she shifted the topic entirely.

"Tell me about your world." She told me, her eyes twinkling in the light of the fire.

I could see her curiosity there but there was also a knowing look within her gaze. Maybe she was really good at reading people or maybe I was just garbage at hiding my emotions in this state of mind. It could have been a bit of both. But her words left me thinking of home, summoning up a stab of homesickness within me. But telling the story of what my world was like seemed to be as close as I could get to going home at this point.

"You know…Everything is so vastly different I'm not even sure where to start…" I laughed sheepishly.

"Tell me about those…things you told me about today. The ones that can help you go places?"

I spent the evening entertaining Ellandra with details of cars, what they could do and how they looked. When the fire had grown faint, I dipped a twig into the ashes and attempted to sketch a picture of one on a fallen leaf. She was nothing short of spellbound with all I had to tell her. It was interesting to see someone so enraptured by something so common to me. But I knew that there were going to be many things of her own world that would hold my attention just as much.

"Truly, your world sounds magnificent."

Not days ago I would have disagreed with her but now to be telling stories of it made me inclined to agree. But it was simply the difficult situation that I had been thrust into that made my home seem so wonderful.

"Well, we are not without our own problems, don't get me wrong. We have a lot of advanced technology in comparison to here and they have done great things but they also can be misused."

"It is the same with magic, unfortunately." Ellandra nodded wisely.

"So tell me about this friend of yours we are going to meet up with."

I noticed the warm smile that crossed her lips at the mention, "Matrin. He is a templar that I have been close to for some time."

"A templar? Aren't those…the mage hunters you've told me about?"

"Simply put, yes. Those are the templars."

"But…aren't mages and templars enemies?"

Ellandra shook her head, "It is not so black and white. At a large, there is a rift between the groups and both sides have done foul things to warrant the suspicion of the other. But Matrin…he is the embodiment of what a templar SHOULD be. He is a good man."

"Why is he not with you?" I asked curiously.

"He had a task to complete on his own and he insisted that I go ahead without him."

The question burned within me what he planned to do but Ellandra had pointedly avoided saying as much so I wasn't going to push. Some people may withhold information to see who cares enough to push forward but I was always a type that respected information that was guarded. We all have things that we don't wish to share with others and that is information that must be earned with trust. A sudden wave of exhaustion crashed over me and I could not stifle my yawn.

"Come. It's been a long day, let's get some rest." Ellandra extinguished the fire with the wave of her hand and we both crawled into the tent.

Darkness pressed in on all sides of me. This world was so different and I felt a lifetime away from home. I tried to tell myself how I could have died but that only made my discomfort worse. I bit my lip as I felt the tears roll from my eyes in the darkness of that tent, the warmth of Ellandra behind me. What was going to happen to me? Could I even survive here? Would Ellandra keep me around? Would she grow tired of my inability to keep up? Silent tears rolled down my face as I feared and fretted over what could come.

"Evelyn?"

I felt myself freeze, fearful that she had heard me crying, "Yes?"

My voice came out as a weak croak and there was no way she didn't know I had been silently weeping.

"I will protect you. I promise."

I went to sleep that night a little bit more relaxed but I still had the tiny nagging thought in my mind that eventually…Ellandra would get tired of pulling my weight.

Xxxx

When I woke the next morning, I felt better emotionally but physically I felt a horrendous aching in my lower belly. There were many things that I had failed to consider coming to this world. This time it was the water. All of my life I had access to clean and filtered water but that did not exist here. While the water that we had gathered this time around had been clear, that still didn't change the fact that bacteria can grow within it. Our traveling was forced to slow even further as I was wracked with intense waves of diarrhea. For the entire day we did not move camp because I was in no shape to travel. Fortunately it ended quickly and by noon the next day but there was still a dull ache that lingered for another day.

As we grew closer to this Redcliffe that she spoke of, the more afraid I became. We would be meeting the templar Matrin there and I was worried about what would happen. If we all traveled together, there would be no way to hide from him that I was not from this world and I felt certain that Ellandra would tell him. Would he think me a demon? Would he try to kill me? Urge her to leave me behind? Between the man she clearly holds affections for and a strange woman who fell out of a rift not even a week ago, Ellandra was sure to side with Matrin if it came down to it.

"I still don't understand." I said to her as I helped set up camp, "Why do you help me? You are risking yourself to protect and help me. I'm a stranger there has to be some reason."

"I will admit there is a bit of something personal." She informed me, stoking the fire before her, "You remind me of a dear friend I had in the Circle. In fact…when you first fell out of the Rift I thought for one moment you were her." Ellandra came to help me finish pitching the tent, a sad and distant look in her eyes, "But I knew that was impossible. I watched her die after a fresh wave of chaos erupted from the destruction of the Conlave. Matrin and I only barely escaped."

"Shit…I'm…I'm so sorry. That's horrible."

"There's nothing to be done now. It's happened and nothing can take it back. Perhaps it's selfish but you remind me of her in a few ways, even past your dark hair."

I shook my head, "No, it's ok. Besides, if it weren't for you…I'd be dead. So thank you."

We sat down on the ground in front of the crackling fire and shared a ration of cured meat, although I couldn't tell what kind it was. It was salty and hard to chew but it took the edge off the hunger and taste meant little in the wake of this environment. I decided that I should broach the topic of Matrin, if I didn't I would remain anxious over it for a long time.

"Ellandra…may I speak to you about…Matrin?"

"Of course, what's on your mind?"

"Will…Matrin be ok with me? I mean with the fact that I came through a Rift? With my incredible lack of knowledge there's no way that we'd be able to hide that there's something off about me. What if he thinks I'm a demon?"

"Matrin is a good sort and he will listen to reason. He'll listen to me. I told you I would look out for you and I will, Evelyn."

I took a steady breath, "Ok. Thank you."

A shudder rolled through me and I wrapped myself tighter in the blanket and scooted a little closer to the fire. It was so damned cold here and Ellandra told me that it was only autumn. I dreaded what their winter would look like. I had always been more of a cold weather person but this was colder than what I was used to getting and to not have a proper jacket through it all… I wanted to cocoon in a bunch of blankets and never move.

"Would you tell me more about your world?"

I smiled at her question, "Of course. Hmmm, let me think of something to tell you. Oh! I know!"

I produced my cell phone from my pocket. During one of the mornings I had risen from sleep I had attempted to see if I could call anyone. Text. Something. But there was no way for me to contact anyone so while there was still battery life on my phone there was very little I could actually use. I passed my cell phone to Ellandra so she could study it. Curiosity burst across her face, as vivid as a solar flare and she took the phone from me. A smile quirked on my lips when she jumped in surprise as the time came to life in digital numbers on my phone's dark screen.

"Wh…what is it? Is it alive? I feel energy in it!"

I raised a brow in surprise, "The energy? Really? Well in my world we could…harness lightning. So I guess it would make sense that you can feel something, being a mage and all. But it's not alive. That's what we call a cell phone. It's a device that we use to…contact people."

"But I don't understand…how?"

"I couldn't really give you the details because I don't fully understand how it works but…" I reached over and pushed the power button on the side and swiped in the pattern to unlock my phone, "You can tap this little square here and put in a series of numbers of the person you want to reach. You save them in this phone so you can recall it at anytime without having to memorize very person you interact with. When you contact the other person through a call, you can actually hear their voice."

Ellandra was spellbound and I spent a good bit of time showing her the workings of a cell phone, despite the fact that I couldn't call or message anyone here. But I accessed my old text messages and showed her how it worked in a nutshell. My mage savior was like a starving man at a feast: overwhelmed by all of the sheer options and full to bursting but still ravenous for a taste of more. As we talked into the night, I tried to push down the feelings of homesickness and the longing for my friends and the warm comfort of my cat. I tried even harder to ignore the ominous pulsing from the Breach as it crept gradually along the edges of the sky.

And for some reason, the haze of acid green that roiled off of that hole elicted this deep rooted feeling of fear within me but also something of a twinge of relief. I wasn't sure what that meant but I was sure that it wasn't anything good.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**_ _ **WARNING WARNING. Corpses, blood and dark imagery ahead. Child death as well. Vomit, graphic medical descriptions, gore and heavily implied rape. SERIOUSLY this chapter may disturb you so read at your own peril! If you would like to skip these parts, I have marked the start and end of the , no major characters yet but soon! Either next chapter or the one after that!**_

I eventually stopped lamenting over my lack of skills and started actively watching, listening and learning. I studied and watched and picked up some skills to help out as much as I could. I learned how to pitch a tent without assistance and I would help start the fire and pull out any rations that would be shared between us. The supplies were starting to get a little meager so I started taking less to eat, even though it made me miserable. I had also taken to snatching up whatever berries I spotted, unfortunately most had to be thrown out. Ellandra only could identify a few of the types and we couldn't risk consuming something poisonous. It was somewhat comforting to see that there were survival skills that she also lacked. The mage could not hunt, never had to in her old life but she did know how to lay a snare.

Unfortunately, knowing how to make a snare was only part of the battle. You had to figure out the best place to lay one and you had to remember where you set one out. And what's more, you would have to arrive before a wolf or a bear got to it first. Ellandra insisted that we had enough to last us until we arrived but I never have been the type of person to gauge exact amounts. I'm the person who always has to get gas when my display shows only two bars left on the meter.

"We need to take a detour." Ellandra told me, scowling at her waterskin.

"Fresh water?" I inquired, hiking the bag of supplies further up onto my shoulder.

"Aye. We are nearly out again. I had hoped that it would have lasted us until we got to Redcliffe but we have no choice, we'll have to get water."

"Is there a river or stream nearby?"

"There is. I intentionally kept us near it should something like this come up."

She passed me the waterskin. There was enough for one more swallow left and I took a delicate sip. I was reluctant to consume the last of our water until we found the stream despite how parched I felt. The cold air had made my mouth and throat feel so dry but I just couldn't bring myself to risk consuming what little we had left until I knew we had access to fresh water.

"Smart." I nodded, "Well let's go now and not delay any longer."

"What was the name of that game you let me play last night? On your…fun?"

"Phone." I corrected, "And it's called Candy Crush. Why?"

Ellandra cleared her throat, "Do you…do you think we can play more tonight when we make camp?"

A smile burst across my lips at her question. I never thought I would see the day that I would find an adult who was excited to play Candy Crush. She had been enraptured by the app and I found it adorable that she was so fascinated by such a simple game. But Candy Crush was just an everyday thing for me, a casual game that was just a normal part of the world.

"Sure. Just be mindful that there is only a certain period of time my phone will have power. Eventually I won't be able to turn it on anymore because I have no way of recharging it."

The two of us set off together, Ellandra making sure to take point because I didn't know how to get to this river or stream. This area was sparsely peppered with trees but the landscape had grown increasingly rockier as the days had passed. It made the landscape more beautiful but a lot harder for me to navigate and keep up.

It was so peaceful out here. So peaceful it was hard to imagine that this land was locked in a brutal civil war between mages and templars. When we arrived to our source of water, I saw that it was a crystal clear spring brushing up against the pebbled shoreline. The scene was the type that you would find on a postcard. I honestly wanted for us to rest here and enjoy the serenity before continuing our travel but I knew that we did not have the time.

I crouched down and refilled the water skin, "Hey Ellandra? Where did you learn to lay snares?"

"Matrin taught me. As you have seen, it's harder than it would appear. I'm not a master by any means but the skill has been a useful one."

"Could you teach me? I want to be able to help out as much as I can."

"Of course I can tea-" The mage suddenly froze.

"What is it?" I blinked in confusion.

"Shh. Listen."

I paused and did as she commanded. The trees were softly singing their songs to the cold breeze, the stream was whispering in a hush against the rocks and sand but further in the distance I could hear something else that did not come from the scenery: talking. From what I could tell it was a group of men and their voices were drifting closer. It felt like I suddenly had frost creeping through my blood. Never had I ever been afraid of running into another human being before.

Thoughts were pouring down in my mind like the sudden gush of rain on a cloudy day. Who were they? Mages? Templars? Merchants? Bandits? If they were merchants shouldn't they be closer to the main road? What were we going to do if it was a hostile group?

"I think we should start moving." I whispered to her.

"You're right. Let's go. Quietly."

It was a slow process to head back the way we came. We had to try and get away from where they could see us but also not go so fast that we made a lot of noise. The silence on the way to the stream had been serene but that stillness had transformed into an oppressive shroud that blanketed the country side. Time seemed to stretch on and then came to a grinding halt when I heard a shout from behind us.

"Oi! Move it! I see someone!"

Ellandra and I tore off at a sprint as the thunder of footsteps started to follow us. I dared a glance over my shoulder and I saw about four men in armor, swords in their hands following after us. During our traveling, Ellandra had told me what the templars looked like and these men were certainly not templars. Their armor was sturdy, practical but hardly uniform and every man had a different set. Fear seemed to thicken in my blood and flooded my body as I ran as hard as I could.

I realized with horror that I would not be able to outrun them. I could barely keep up with the steady, slow pace we were walking at. Adrenaline will only take you so far. I could see Ellandra steadily getting further and further away from me. She never looked over her shoulder, she just assumed that I was following behind her. How long could I keep this up? I could hear them gaining on me so I tried to push myself harder. But this terrain was not something I was used to and I already couldn't run for shit on flat ground. In the end I tripped over the hem of that damn blanket that I had to keep wrapped awkwardly around me to keep warm.

I landed with an ungraceful crash to the ground, rocks digging and tearing at my skin. The bandits had encircled me in a heartbeat, closing me off from freedom. Terror pulsed through me. What could I possibly do? I had no combat training or expertise and they are armored. Whatever chance I had of holding my own until Ellandra turned around had vanished with that armor since I had no weapons. I think the thing that unnerved me the most was not that thought I was about to die but the looks on their faces. They looked delighted, like they had just found a pile of lost treasure and they were going to be rich. It was disturbing to me that they didn't even seem to see a human being.

"Well lookie here, boys." Drawled one of them, "Those are some interesting clothes you're wearing, lovely. Bet you have some nice valuables in them."

My vocal cords were paralyzed so I couldn't even answer. I had always thought myself a strong and powerful person but all of the strength dissolved when I saw the man heft up his sword. This was it. There would be no games or keeping me alive, I was nothing more than a walking treasure chest with possible valuables on me. His sword glinted in the sunlight, a piercing lance of the death that was to come. I felt this raw energy, likely from my fear, building in me. It rose and pulsed and trembled until there was a loud crack that echoed in my ears.

Lightning had erupted from my skin, my body and struck my attacker in a powerful blow. He convulsed beneath the currents of electricity, the metal of his armor only amplifying the current until it arced off of him to the bandit to his left. The lightning continued to zip around, passing to the next bandit until I was in a dome of electricity, these men convulsing and screaming until they collapsed around me. Shock encompassed my mind as I stared at the groaning bandits, their minds dazed. The air was thick with the smell of scorched flesh and hot metal.

Cold hands roughly seized my arm and I was hauled to my feet. That brought me back into the real world when I stared at Ellandra's face, which was filled with concern. We didn't exchange words, she just hauled me behind her so we could keep running. Eventually we got far enough before she stopped and started to set up camp.

"Is…isn't it early to set up camp?" I panted, confused but thankful.

"It is. But we cannot keep going to Redcliffe now."

The memory of what happened flooded me again and I felt myself slipping away from my mind. I had almost died! And more than that, I used magic! I had already been thrown for a loop when I was tossed ass first into Ferelden but now things were getting more complicated and confusing. Magic! I had wanted it, that's true…but I never really expected to be gifted with it. I was in such a daze that I couldn't even bring myself to help set up camp or anything. It was not lack of wanting to help, it was that all of my mental power was going towards processing what just happened. Eventually, Ellandra had a fire made and she guided me to sit down by it with her. Her presence made me feel slightly better and more safe.

"You have magic." She said seriously.

"….I….have magic…" I repeated slowly.

"How…how are you feeling?"

"…Terrified. Confused. Overwhelmed. All of the above?"

"That is normal. Listen, I will help you learn to control it before we get into Redcliffe. If you can't control it, you will be in a lot of danger. People have always feared mages but now more so than ever given what's happening. You cannot openly display your magic and if you show ontop of that that you cannot control it…I will not be able to protect you from the terrified people."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had some…unconventional beliefs and practices for someone living in the bible belt and I already had to keep that under wraps for fear of retaliation. Many Christians here will get offended and mortified if you tell them you are not Christian. It gets worse if they find out that you read tarot cards. Not all of them of course but there's enough of them. But I had never been faced with being attacked from being unaccepted. I'm a good person and the knowledge that I could be driven out of the village with fire and pitchforks made a bitter cold fear settle deep into me until it clenched around my bones.

Ellandra placed her hand on my shoulder, "As I said before, Evelyn…this is both a gift and a curse. This is part of who you are and you can no more leave it than you can shed your skin. But I will help you, do not worry."

I took a deep, steadying breath, "How do I start?"

"Close your eyes and breathe. Become aware of the air against your neck, the earth beneath you, the warmth of the fire. Ground yourself in what is here."

I followed her instructions, listening to the wind whisper through my hair, felt the firmness of the ground and wrapped myself in the warmth of the fire. Becoming so rooted in my surroundings cleared my head and calmed the turmoil within me. But doing this also opened the way for something new.

You know how you can walk into a room and feel the tension there if there have been people fighting? Imagine feeling energies like that for nearly every emotion and creature in existence. The very earth had its own presence, the wind, the warmth of the fire. All of it swirled in possibility around me, pressing to my skin. I had never truly given thought to what magic would feel like against my skin but as I sat there by firelight and felt around me I knew that it was it.

As I focused deeper I noticed that it was thrumming through me too. I felt it twisting off of my skin like the curling fingers of the wind. It resonated down to my blood, hummed through my nerves and there seemed to be a great calling beyond. When I opened my eyes and looked, really looked it was like the world had been repainted in more vivid colors. Had it always been like this and I just didn't notice? Or had it awakened in me with that near death encounter?

"I can feel the power rolling from you." Ellandra tilted her head to the side, "It would seem you had some latent abilities that awakened with that brush with the bandits. The spell you had unleashed was called Chain Lightning. You didn't kill them but it did incapacitate them to help us get away."

My mind was reeling with the possibilities, "How long will it take to learn to control it?"

"That's hard to say. To really become proficient at it, it takes years of training and education. But we can get a reasonable start for you in a few weeks. At least enough for you to not accidentally reveal your power to other villagers."

I balked, "We'll be delayed a few weeks?!"

We were running low on supplies and I had hoped to have a proper roof over my head. I missed my apartment. I missed sleeping in an actual bed. Running water, regular baths, heated interior, regular proper meals. This lifestyle really showed me just how fortunate I was in my life. Hell even a change of clothes would be a gift. I had been here for a week and a half now and though my scrubs were now fitting a bit more loosely it was not near enough for me to be able to use a spare set of Ellandra's.

"At least but it's necessary." The mage insisted, "We'll be scouting the area and try to find a place for us to stay. If we're lucky, we might find an abandoned cottage for us to occupy. There's been a lot of chaos and wherever there is chaos, people try to flee to go somewhere safer."

"But what about our supplies? And what about Matrin? Won't he be waiting?"

"I can go to our meeting spot frequently and check for him. While I'm in town I'll pick up some supplies."

It was a sound plan. And if we did find an abandoned cottage then we would have the privacy needed to teach me my magic. Having a secluded place would also help keep us safe from those hunting mages and bandits. A shudder rolled through me as I remembered that man, a cruel sneer on his face as he held his sword up to cleave into me. I hadn't been staring at a man who was simply doing what he had to. Perhaps he started that way but somewhere along the line…he had grown to enjoy it. I had been nothing more than a potential prospect.

"Well…it seems that I don't really have a choice anyways. We can keep scouting in the morning."

"Get some rest. I'll take the first watch."

Xxxxxx

I had been having a nightmare of my encounter with the bandits when I was awoken by the icy clamp of a hand over my mouth. Instinctively, I gave a muffled scream and thrashed wildly but I heard a familiar voice hiss out the command to be quiet. It was damn near pitch black but the voice I recognized to be Ellandra's, earning a relieved sigh through my nose.

The fire was out, fresh smoke wafting through the air. It either had just fizzled out or my mage benefactor had hastily put it out. My mind was reeling. If she had covered my mouth to wake me that must mean that trouble was nearby. Ellandra removed her hand and I sat up, my voice locked in my throat. I strained my ears to listen.

" _Bloody…how was I supposed…she was a mage?"_

" _You should…her clothes…No one wears…"_

" _When I find…I'm gonna…her."_

" _They…be far…"_

" _Oi will…shut up….keep looking!"_

The voices were far away and hard to clearly make out but were also so terribly close at the same time. It was clear that Ellandra had extinguished the fire herself. I sat up and quickly wrapped the blanket around me. I had learned how to wrap and tuck the fabric appropriately so I could walk without having to hold onto it or trip over it. It looked strange but I wasn't dressing for looks.

There was little time to pack and even less to do it quietly. Ellandra and I worked as fast as we could to gather up the important things. I shoved some of our supplies back into our pack. I moved to break down the tent but the mage caught my arm, halting my progress. Mutely, she shook her head. The voices were growing closer so I nodded and snatched up my water skin. When I moved to haul the heavy pack with Ellandra's sleeping roll up, she took it from me and slipped it onto her back.

"I'm faster than you are with this." She whispered.

 _"Hey, do you smell smoke?"_

In the darkness, the two of us locked eyes and then quickly set off. My grace left much to be desired but I was a bit better than when I first got here. The two of us fled deeper into the wild terrain. I don't know how we managed it but we evaded the bandits. Probably because we did not stop traveling and walking until well after dawn.

 ** _xxxxGRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD AS WARNED IN AUTHOR'S NOTEXXX_**

The morning light shone like a blessing onto a round cabin on the hillside. My immediate feeling was relief at finding proper shelter. But then immediately afterwards my mood plummeted. This was someone's home. And there would be little space for even one person in there, let alone both Ellandra and myself ontop of whoever lived here.

"Don't look down just yet." The mage chastised a bit breathlessly. She took a few steps forward, mercifully not commenting on how I was more winded than she was, "It might be abandoned. The Hinterlands have been one of the major places where the Templars and Mages have been fighting. The fools."

"...Or they could be dead..." I replied quietly.

"Aye...or they could be dead."

We both held a somber silence for a moment. But our weary bones would not let us linger long. Ellandra knocked cautiously on the door. No sounds of activity came from inside. We looked at each other before I knocked on the door more firmly. Still no answer came. Ellandra readied her staff then, took a deep breath and opened the door.

The wave of decay and foul death that rushed over us was enough to make me choke and gag. And to put that into perspective of how bad the smell was, I have smelled some of the worst things in the hospital. Pseudomonas in the sputum, old GI bleeds, fresh GI bleeds, soured milk vomit from infants, rotting and infected abscesses, a mouth so infected with herpes simplex virus that the patients mouth was one big mess of sores and old blood without a single uninfected space and so much more. And none of that compared to this.

I coughed and gagged, just like Ellandra and I hauled a piece of that blanket over my nose. The two of us stepped inside and looked around. And then I was promptly forced to flee outside where I vomited violently. That one brief glimpse was enough to get under my skin. Two dead bodies were in that hut.

I had seen my share of dead bodies in the hospital but not a one like this or nearly so horrifying. It was a mother and a little boy. The child had clearly been violently stabbed through the chest, a dried ring of blood around his corpse on the rug. The mother was barely an arms length away, a terrible wound cleaved through her shoulder and well into her chest.

Both bodies had flies buzzing around them but no signs of maggots. But both bodies had begun bloating, their skin a sickly grey, green color. But the worst of it all was a detail I was frantically trying to scrub from my mind. I tried to forget the tear in the mother's top that exposed her breasts. I tried to forget the way her skirt was bunched up around her thighs. I tried to forget the clearly darkened portion of skin encircling her wrists.

I vomited again.

Tears streaked down my face, my body trembled and I wished violently that we had never opened that door. Ellandra stepped back outside with me, pale and eyes almost distant. It felt slightly comforting to see she was disturbed like I was but not by much.

"By the Maker..." she breathed.

"Do we have to stay here?" I choked out, still wrestling down my nausea.

"I hate to say it but yes. We still can't take you into Redcliffe. We have lost our tent and we are very low on supplies. We cannot risk finding somewhere else...

Dread filled my stomach as I realized we were going to have to deal with the bodies. The two of us decided to leave the door open and let the smell waft out while we dug a grave for the two. The both of us were too tired to dig one for each and it just felt right gor mother and son to share the same grave. By the time we had dug a grave deep enough for the two of them, it had been more than an hour.

The smell inside the hut was still present but it was markedly improved from when we first opened the door. We had also found decaying vegetables that had been adding to the stench. Fighting the urge to vomit again, Ellandra and I moved the bodies, alomg with the vegetables onto the blood stained rug and dragged them outside. We then rolled them (after throwing away the old vegetables, of course) into the grave and buried them.

Ellandra bowed her head, "The light shall lead them safely through the paths of this world and the next. For they who trust in the Maker, fire is their water. As the moth sees light and goes towards flame, they should see fire and go towards Light. The Veil holds no uncertainty for them and they will know no fear of death. For the Maker shall be their beacon and their shield, their foundation and their sword."

I realized that this must have been a prayer for their faith. She had told me about it previously but there has been a lot for her to tell me so the name had left my memory. It didn't matter, however. Despite the fact that I did not share their faith, it felt better to have given the mother and son a proper burial with proper rights. Somehow, it felt like their spirits ir souls could be at peace after this brutal murder.

"That is the most we can do for them now." Ellandra said grimly, "Let's move. We need to scout the area for flowers because I don't know about you, I will not be able to sleep with that choking smell of death in there."

I nodded mutely. We searched for all manner of nice smelling flowers and the Hinterlands did not seem to have a lack of them. Of which I was thankful because the exhaustion I was feeling was immense. By the time we finished it was late morning and we had filled the hut with bundles of flowers. It was almost enough to wash out the underlying rot but not completely. But it was enough that we could collapse onto a bed, one for each of us.

It was the first decent sleep I had since I had come here.

 ** _xxxxEND OF GRAPHIC CONTENTxxxx_**

We were in that cabin for two weeks. During that time Ellandra began teaching me magic, gathering supplies from a tiny village called "The Crossroads" and waiting for Mattrin. But this meant she was gone for long periods at a time, leaving me on my own to practice the new techniques she taught me alone. Learning magic was a lot more challenging than I had expected but Ellandra insisted I was learning quickly.

But it wasn't fast enough. The plan had been for me to be traveling to the village with her by now but I wasn't ready. With another day of practicing by myself ahead of me, I stepped outside and wandered to the grave we had dug for the former occupants of the cabin. I hadn't visited since we buried them.

"I'm sorry." I said lamely, "I...I know that is just so...weak but...what else is there to say? You didn't deserve this. Neither of you did..."

I shifted uncomfortably as I became accutely aware of how I was wearing some men's breeches and tunic that we had found. Clothes that had likely belonged to the father. I often wondered what happened to him.

"And I'm sorry we are using your stuff...but we need them. Come to think of it...I don't even know your names..." I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, "But...I suppose it really doesn't matter now, does it?"

I knelt down with an Embrium flower from inside and set it on the mound of dirt. I straightened and stared down in silence for a few moments.

"Where ever the two of you are, I hope you find peace."

"I thought I told you to stay inside!"

I whipped around to see my red-headed mage friend, a scowl on her face and one hand placed firmly on her hip. I smiled sheepishly at her, slightly embarassed at being caught in an emotional moment.

I ducked my head, "Sorry...I just never said anything before so I wanted to say something for them."

"It's dangerous being outside by yourself! You haven't mastered any of your spells yet!"

"I had a dagger with me..." I grumbled, pulling it out to show her, one of the useful things in the cabin we had claimed.

"And which do you think would win? A dagger or a sword?"

Irritation stabbed in me. Ellandra was concerned for me, I knew that, but at the end of the day she wasn't my mother and I didn't appreciate being treated like a child.

"Depends on where which one goes!" I snapped, "Don't patronize me."

The mage glared, "I beg your pardon then for being concerned about your health and life in the middle of a civil war where mages can't even heal a group of refugees without wild templars attacking on sight and killing everyone involved!"

I stilled, "...Ellandra?"

She stopped when she realized what she said and looked away. When I looked, there was a heavy sorrow within her eyes. I hadn't noticed it before in my foul mood but now it was clear. The red-head cleared her throat, awkwardly.

"Forgive me, Evelyn... I saw far too much death today and it upset me to think you could have been added to that list for being out here by yourself..."

I rushed forward to hug her, holding her tightly. I hated that I couldn't do more but really what can you do in a situation like that? There are no words or actions that can make it better.

"Come on, let's go back inside..."

The cabin almost felt welcoming now after our time in it. The stench of decay is gone and the two of us worked to keep a floral scent inside and we had long cleaned up most of the blood. Honestly, with the location I almost wanted to stay. But the area was too dangerous and it was still uncomfortable staying in a home where two violent murders happened.

"Tell me what happened." I said gently, seating myself on the bed across from hers.

"I have been healing refugees while waiting for Matrin. But today Templars found us and attacked on sight. They slaughtered some of the refugees I was helping just for being associated with me."

"I'm so sorry...that must have been awful."

Ellandra rubbed her forehead, "It seems that...I will just have to distance myself from the people of the Crossroads. And everywhere else."

I frowned, "It sounds like it."

"In other news...I have a solution to your magic problem that should keep you safe and help you learn."

I leaned forward, my interest piqued.

"There is a cult in the hills south east of the Crossroads and several of them are mages."

"A cult?" I interrupted, "Seriously? You think I will be safe with a cult?"

"I know it sounds unusual but they are peaceful and keep to themselves. What's more is that there is talk of them worshipping the Breach. They think it is a mark of the Maker, come to banish the unworthy and bring the righteous up to his side. If there is any group of people that will accept that you came through a Rift from another world, it's them."

'Damn she has a point.' I thought, 'If I ever get to go home, this is going to be a great conversation starter. "Mom, Dad...I joined a cult."'


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Warning! More death, corpses and disturbing imagery ahead! Along with a toxic cultist religious environment.**

It was like something out of a book, if I was being honest. A toxic green tear twisting almost flame-like tucked away in a cave at the back of a fort. The cultists told me not to get to close or the demons would react and burst from it like something out of nightmares. So I stood on the hill that sloped down into the cave, watching it glow in the filtered sunlight. That was what I came out of. That was the thing that carried me from another world and into Ferelden.

I stared at it and drummed my fingers on my arm. It had been a few months since Ellandra left me here with Anais and her people. And frankly it had been an awful time. I never cared much for hanging around people who spoke of their faith all the time and then assume that I followed the same faith. But it was even worse with this group because they knew I came from another world, proven true with my phone. They sought to teach me all of their practices but also seemed to have this view that I was blessed by the Maker or some nonsense.

Being immersed in this environment was straining and I was in a position where I couldn't speak out against it. I was worried that if I said anything against them trying to convert me that I would be tossed back out into the Hinterlands and left to fend for myself. So I studied and practiced and worked. I focused on refining my magic until I did almost little else. With my dogged determination to learn and to avoid conversation, I made quick advancements. Particularly in healing. In fact my medical background and more in depth understanding of the body, or at least compared to others here, I excelled.

Unfortunately for me, that only made the others more convinced that the Maker had sent me to them and that I had been blessed.

"Evelyn?"

I tore my eyes away from the Rift at a familiar voice to lay eyes on Hyndel, a softer spoken elven mage (you can imagine my shock when I learned that there were races other than human in this world) who had thick ginger hair and kind eyes. And at this moment he was clutching a piece of parchment with ink smoothly looped across the page. He handed it to me decisively.

"It's the recipe for that potion you asked me for and how to make it." He supplied.

My eyes lit up and I eagerly took it and roamed my gaze over the page. A particular ingredient caught my eye.

"Embrium?" I inquired, the name sounding familiar.

"Ah yes. They are very vibrant flowers with a sweet and strong fragrance. They are the key ingredient to this potion. Their aroma helps improve breathing for those who are really sick."

"Thank you so much!"

When I learned about Hyndel's potion that he used to make for his mother who sounded suspiciously like she had asthma, I had begged him for the ingredients and instructions on how to make it. I hastily stuffed the paper into a pocket of my robes. One of the cultists had been kind enough to give me one of her spare sets since I had lost more weight although I was not thin and trim. The woman who had given them to me was heartily built but I was not complaining. I had warm clothes so that was really all that mattered and the weight loss I wasn't complaining about either.

"It was my honor to help the Maker's Blessed."

I clenched my jaw but kept a straight face. They insisted on calling me that but there wasn't a whole lot I could do to argue. Honestly, the level of …obsession they had was very unnerving to me. The people here refused to called Anais anything but _Speaker_ Anais because she claims that she speaks the Maker's will. I couldn't stay here indefinitely. I remembered the cults in my world, fueled by narcissistic leaders that conditioned their followers into zealous faith. Even if they continued to believe that I had become one of the faithful, how long would it take for this cult to devolve into mass suicide? They already believed that this world was an illusion waiting to be cast away which just laid the ground work for it devolving to that point.

'Pull the humility card. They'll eat that shit up.' I told myself.

I flashed Hyndel a sheepish smile, "I am flattered that you think as much but I doubt that I am the Maker's Blessed. I am just a young woman trying to make the best of her situation."

He shook his head, "No, it is the Maker's will that brought you here. It was he who helped carry you through the Fade and to us. He brought you here for a reason." He smiled, "You have already been performing miracles."

I blinked bemusedly, "Miracles? Hyndel, I have done nothing but practiced and healed maybe two slashes that anyone else here could have taken care of. How could that possibly be considered a miracle?"

"Speaker Anais has spoken about your efforts. You are right, you have practiced your magic and healed only two wounds but do you realize how much progress you have made?" the elf adjusted his grip on his staff and leaned a bit more against it, "You have not even had magic for six months and you have already been able to heal two wounds. Here it takes people years."

I held my tongue. It's true my progress was moving fast but I obsessively focused on my studies and practice. But even then, I had a more indepth knowledge of anatomy than they did here. Whenever there was someone injured, I closely shadowed the healer to study how they used their magic in the field. One thing I remembered clearly from my schooling is that clinical experience is infinitely more valuable than textbook knowledge. And one thing I quickly gathered was that the medicine practices here were maybe a few generations removed from dark ages medicine. Like _bloodletting_. They believe in the balance of the humours, which, the concept isn't entirely wrong but bloodletting was dangerous!

But, if we were being honest this was a cult of fanatics and honestly seemed to be blending far more prayer into their healing methods than they really should be. I have seen them turn to prayer for a refugee that was direly injured when their healing seemed to be insufficient. It might be more improved elsewhere.

I smiled sweetly through my ire, "That's kind of her to say but I like to think this progress came from my hard work and determination to learn."

Hyndel frowned, "Do you doubt Speaker Anais?"

"No." I said quickly, "I believe Speaker Anais when she says that I am blessed. How else could I have made it here alive? Nothing short of a blessing could have protected me from the dangers that lurk in the Fade." I brought a hand up to toy with a lock of hair as I swallowed my irritation, "I simply believe that Maker blessed us with potential to be great in certain areas but it is up to us to make those talents grow and come to fruition."

The mage nodded sagely to me, "That is a wise belief. Forgive me. I was worried that you were doubting our Speaker."

"I would never! She is a savior to me and I owe her much."

"And she speaks the Maker's will!"

The conversation was getting more and more uncomfortable to me as it pressed on. I was ready to dive back into my studies desperately. Fortunately for me, that was right when there was a commotion of frenzied shouts by the gate. And it was voluminous enough to draw the attention of both of us. I quickly walked towards the gathering of people with a man crying as he carried a young woman in his arms. She was exceptionally blue and her hair and face were sopping with water and yet strangely past her shoulders she was still dry.

"Set her down." Anais commanded.

The man whom I could only assume was this poor woman's husband, set her down in a fit. A few of the cult's healers surged forward to help. I drew closer and I could tell that she wasn't breathing. The blood drained from my face. Did these people even _know_ CPR? The mages palpated her pulse points and then grimly looked to Anais, shaking their heads.

"I am terribly sorry but the Maker has called her to his side." Our leader replied.

The man looked at her with wide eyes, tears streaming down his face,"No, no it can't be!"

I quickly stepped forward and pushed out of the line. I rushed forward to the woman and dropped to my knees beside her. The healers stumbled out of my way in surprise and did not stop me as I began chest compressions. To hell with the cult and if Anais had a problem with it, I was not going to just watch and do nothing when I KNEW that I could do something.

"What are you doing?!" the Speaker hissed.

"Just trust me!" I huffed back, keeping up my steady rhythm.

My endurance had improved some since I came to Ferelden but even with that improvement, compressions are exhausting. I prayed breathlessly the entire time, hoping that she would be in one of the 8% of people that come back from CPR. And underneath that prayer was the second one that she wouldn't take too long to resuscitate for my sake. There was no one else here to swap with me once I got tired and I didn't fancy the idea of teaching CPR on the fly.

"How long has she not been breathing?" I forced out around my compressions.

"Maybe a few minutes. I dragged her here on our horse as soon as it happened! But…but what are you doing to her?!"

"Helping. Or….trying….to."

"It was some Templars." He supplied, watching me work with wide eyes, "They came by on a wagon with supplies and they saw the walking stick my wife likes to use to get over hills. They pulled her off our horse and decided that they were going to teach her a lesson." He choked back a sob, "They made me watch as they opened a barrel of water they were transporting and held her head under."

If I hadn't been so preoccupied in doing CPR, I would have frozen in horror. Even if she was a mage and they were worried that she was a threat, this was unnecessarily cruel. If they truly suspected she was dangerous they could have made it quick.

"When she stopped moving they just…left. Said I could think about what happens when you help mages."

I was wearing out. My muscles were screaming, my arms were going weak and I was struggling to maintain the pace. I inhaled sharply and pushed harder, trying to muscle through it. Once you lost your rhythm, the chances of resuscitation were pretty much gone.

"Evelyn!" Barked Anais, "That is enough! She has gone to the Maker's side!"

"Not yet!"I shot back, struggling for air as I continued, my compressions slowing as I struggled to maintain the pace.

Mercifully, the woman beneath my hands heaved a cough suddenly, water bubbling up from her mouth. I struggled to help her turn over on her side so she could expel the water in her lungs before I collapsed on to my back next to her, panting. My arms were so weak but it was well worth the suffering to get that woman next to me breathing. The husband reacted first, surging forward to embrace her as he weeped openly. As I continued to lay on the ground, recovering my strength, murmurs started floating through the crowd. I couldn't understand all of what any of them were saying but there was one word that kept popping up on their lips that I did hear.

"Miracle."

Xxxxxxx

I had been poring over my notes and magical texts when she approached me, "Lady Evelyn."

Anais' voice was cold. While her tone had hardly been warm and welcoming, since the incident with the near drowning it had only grown colder. I could tell that I was teetering on a precarious balance of safety with her. The frown on her lips was severe and her brown hair swept into a tight bun only emphasized her stern appearance.

"Your miracle touch is needed."

I frowned back at her. "Miracle touch" was something that they had tacked onto me as one of my abilities. And anything that the healers could not fix immediately was instantly deemed as something needing a miracle.

"I told you guys, it was not a miracle. That was a technique that is common where I am from. I could teach anyone of you, I didn't even use magic."

I had explained persistently that there was nothing magical or miraculous about it. I had explained that it was common and not unique to me. I had explained that the technique had a high chance of failure. But my words fell on deaf ears. Infact my comment about how CPR often failed was especially paid note because then the cultists claimed that I surely must have carried out the Maker's will.

"Yet you succeeded when success was supposedly low. Are you denying the Maker's gift?"

I honed in on the hidden trap within her words. Since that day, I had become a threat to Anais's position as Speaker. When she formed the cult, she had appointed herself as the speaker of the Maker's will. And with my "miracle" there were many that were elevating me closer to her status in their eyes. The mage was practically salivating in her desire to be rid of me. But her sway over the cult was not so strong yet that she could just declare me a threat or an enemy of the Maker.

"Not at all. The Maker gifted me with potential and blessed me with safety so I might cross through the Fade to make it here. I thank his wonders and generosity everyday that I breathe. But I promise you, that technique is something all of you can learn. But it will be up to the Maker to decide if it is successful. This time, I suppose, he blessed that young woman with a second chance."

My heart skipped in my chest. The young woman who was still recovering. The young woman whom I had seen with what looked suspiciously like decorticate posturing. For those of you who might be taking notes that's an "oh shit" sign of possible brain damage. I tried not to think of how that young woman might have an anoxic brain injury. Tried not to think of how she would likely never recover her old mental state. And I was willfully trying not to think of how Anais could use that to turn the cult against me. If she was smart, which she seemed to be, she could claim that I was an imposter. I was someone who was abusing the Maker's gifts and deceiving her people.

"But there is still risk." I amended, "In order for her to be fully restored, her mind must have the will to overcome everything that she has been through and what her body has been through. There is still a chance she may not fully be the same or be like the way she is for the rest of her life. We must earn our Makers gifts, I think."

Her eyes narrowed minutely, "Yes well, there is another soul here asking for your miracle touch."

I nodded silently and rose, picking at the hem of my sleeve. Anais led the way out the into the courtyard where people were already starting to gather. Dread formed like a weight in my stomach, heaving down until I felt like I was falling as I approached the group. The nausea that crawled up my throat was forcefully swallowed down when the crowd parted for myself and Anais. She straightened a bit at the gesture and stepped aside to reveal to me who needed my "miracle".

A corpse. A middle aged man this time and there was no question to me that he was long past help. When you work in critical care environment like I did, there comes a point where you are looking at a person and when you are looking at a body. I was looking at a body. As I drew closer, I could tell that the rigor had set in already and there were old congealed slashes consistent with a sword or some kind of blade. I felt ill.

That was the fifth corpse in the last two weeks. Word of what I had done spread quickly across the Hinterlands and families had traveled bringing their long deceased loved ones, thinking I could resurrect them. Last week one family hauled a corpse to me that had already decayed. And the rumor just kept growing. The fanaticism was growing like a tumor around my reputation and it would soon swallow me. Here rumors were prone to take on a life of their own, I was sure, since everything was spread by word of mouth but the cultists were making it worse. They emphasized how much of a miracle it was, how the Maker himself had blessed me. Some of them had taken to travel and spread word of how I crossed over from another world.

"Please, Blessed!"

I flinched at the name. She was young. Barely above eighteen and the hope and pure desperation that overflowed from her eyes shredded at my heart. A miracle. She came begging for a miracle but just like the others, they brought me something no one could possibly fix. I knelt down next to her and placed my hand on her shoulder, shaking my head somberly. If it was heart wrenching to see her before, watching her world come crashing down around her for a second time was nearly soul shattering. This was the very reason why clinicians are careful about instilling hope in family members. Because false hope can be more damaging than the death itself.

"B-but you brought that other one back! WHY WON'T YOU DO IT FOR HIM?!"

She screamed at me, the shock of having lost what looked to be her father twice striking through her words. The desperation and utter grief that was streaked through her voice burned its way through my skin and down to my bones. My fingers twitched in helplessness as I watched her barely try to hold her world together.

"The other one was brought here within minutes. It has to be that fast or there is no chance. I am sorry but there is no hope for him. He is gone."

The fine thread of hope that had manifested to draw her world back into something resembling normal snapped. Tears flowed in rivers down her cheeks and her eyes seemed to hollow out, becoming glassy and devoid of a thinking mind behind it. I furrowed my brows tightly and closed my eyes as I rose to my feet. I gestured one of the cultists over, a kind looking woman who had a matronly air about her.

"She's in shock." I said, blinking away a few tears that tried to well up, "Could you please take care of her for a bit? Maybe give her something to drink and eat?"

"Of course Blessed."

"Please…just…just Evelyn. Please."

The look she gave me was dubious but she said nothing and knelt down next to the poor girl who brought her father in. She didn't speak but rose in a daze with her, walking away as if she were empty inside. I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes against the grim silence that had blanketed over the hold. Then the silence was broken by the shuffling of feet. I looked and was surprised to see a woman carrying a boy of eight. Mercifully, he was alive but he was wheezing loudly. I paled. I didn't work much with pediatrics but what I did remember from school was that their condition can deteriorate rapidly during an asthma attack.

"Hyndel!" I shouted, whipping around.

"I am here!" The elf pushed his way forward, having been at the very back of the crowd.

"Please tell me you have a bottle of that potion for breathing trouble ready."

His eyes widened for a moment but then nodded, "I'll go fetch it at once!"

"Quickly!"

When I looked back, even more color drained from my face. There was a line. A line of people at the gate that had clearly come with their sick and dying to beg for a miracle. It wasn't long but there were still about five more groups waiting behind the woman who brought her son. How long would that line be tomorrow? I wasn't even a fully fledged healer yet! What had I brought upon myself by trying to save that one woman's life?

'I think I'm the one that's going to need a miracle…' I realized with horror.

Xxxxxx

When Ellandra came to visit me again one month after that day, I damn near cried on the spot. The moment she stepped through the gates, I rushed towards her and begged her that we go on a walk somewhere. That for just a little bit I get some air away from this stronghold. She looked a bit surprised but agreed to my request. When we were finally well enough away, a peaceful hillside littered with flowers, I embraced her tightly. And then the tears erupted from me.

She looked bewildered at my sudden outpouring of emotion but she said nothing and simply let me cling to her. Ellandra was the one friend that I had, the one person that I could trust here and all of the bottled up anxiety, tension and haunting memories came rushing out. When at last I could at least limit the crying to a quiet flow, I pulled back, wiping furiously at my eyes.

"What happened? I've heard that they are calling you Blessed of the Maker now."

I groaned and plopped down on the grass unceremoniously, pulling my knees up to my chest, "I brought a woman back to life."

She gasped, "What?"

"Calm down. It's not as amazing as you think. I didn't even use magic. It's a technique from my world to resuscitate a heart after it's stopped beating and it requires rhythmic compression on the chest. The chances of it being successful are low and then never mind the state of the mind afterwards depending on how long they were down." I swiveled my teary gaze up to her, "I could teach anyone here how to do it, mage or not. But because it worked, the cult has been raving that I am blessed. A miracle worker."

Ellandra sat down next to me, "I see…I wonder if this is how The Herald of Andraste feels…"

"Who…?" I blinked at her bemusedly.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard his title. He's a man that came out of a Rift like you. But the difference is that he is from this world and he has a magical mark on his hand that can close the Rifts. According to the rumors anyway. They say that there was a woman behind him in the Rift. So the word is that it was Andraste herself who delivered him to us."

"I have tried my damn best to keep to myself in there. I have buried myself in studying and practice to try and catch up on my magic but also as a means to avoid those people…" I looked sharply to her, "Ellandra, please. I'm sure I can control it enough now, I can't stay here. It's not safe."

The mage shook her head, "It is safer for you in there, now more than ever. Rumors are spreading quickly about you, almost as quickly as the Herald. Many are claiming that you are a gift. But there are some that believe very strongly that you are a demon." Her eyes hardened, "I have heard whispers of people who think that they should march up to the fortress and have you put down."

Ice glazed over my veins, my bones, reached deep into my chest to frost over my heart. People want to kill me? I hugged my knees tighter to my chest, shivering in horror. I couldn't help but wonder if I should have done nothing that day. Just kept my head low and let the woman go. I KNEW that there was a strong chance that her brain would be damage but there had been such a strong urge to over take me that I HAD to try.

"Speaker Anais….she is manipulating the cult members. She claims that she speaks for the Maker and questioning that isn't allowed. Since I brought that girl back, she has been trying to trick me into saying that I don't believe. Ellandra, if they think that I doubt them or that I don't believe in her word or the Maker, I don't know what they will do to me. At best, they might toss me out here to fend for myself."

Ellandra looked down, "I…I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do. You won't be safe out here and I can't protect you alone."

I swallowed, "Do you know what it's like? Being praised as some miracle worker and expected to fix EVERY impossible case that comes through those gates? I'm not some damn chosen one! I'm just a woman who somehow got dragged into an ass-backwards situation that I can't get out of!"

"I'm sorry…"

I sniffled, shaking my head, "It's not your fault. It's all shit but it is what it is."

She flashed me a smile then, nudging my shoulder with hers, "Perhaps a daring knight will rescue you."

I snorted, "After what you described…I think I need a whole damn army to protect me."

Her smile turned dry, "I'll be sure to let you know if I happen to stumble across one."

I laughed despite the crushing weight of anxiety that was bearing down upon me. I was still stressed but that time with Ellandra gave me the valuable opportunity to decompress. It felt like if I had stayed locked in that stronghold for any longer than I was going to have a meltdown. That was when I saw a small trail of people heading up the path towards the fort. A sigh escaped me and I frowned.

"Duty calls."I told her dryly, rising to my feet, "If I don't go now, I'm sure the cult will drag me back by my hair."

The mage rose with me, "I'm sorry I haven't been out here as much. The road is…perilous. And now with your reputation, I'm sure it will be difficult to see you. But I will try to come by more often."

"Before I go…have you heard from Mattrin?"

Ellandra's mouth became a thin line of worry, "No. No word at all. I am…starting to think the worst."

I wanted to encourage her. To give her hope. But I had seen too much hope crushed within this past month and a half to care to share it again. I touched her arm in a comforting gesture.

"I hope that it did not come to that. Hang in there."

Her smile was faint, "You as well. Stay strong, my friend."

Xxxxxx

Weeks later I awoke to another line up of people seeking healing and miracles. I hauled myself out of bed and I gathered together a few potions that I had Hyndel make after the asthmatic boy came just to be safe. I still had hardly any idea on what I was doing when it came to healing. I could heal some mild contusions but nothing serious so I gathered together the cultists who knew how to heal. Speaking with Ellandra gave a boost in my resolve. If I was stuck in this position I was going to do the best that I could for as many people as I could.

I had different followers gather clean linen, other boil water, some to fetch some of the healing herbs and poultices that had been stored away and I prepared a spot right before the statue that greeted everyone when they entered the fort. The first up was an elderly man who was forced to limp in a way that almost seemed exaggerated. But then my eyes fell upon his knee and I realized that it was legitimate. By its shape, the joint had been ruined and healed incorrectly. I could tell immediately that there would be no saving it. It would require rebreaking it and healing the pieces back together properly.

This was out of the question. I did not have the healing skill to perform that level of magic or the anatomical knowledge to properly reconstruct a knee. And the healers here lacked the same. But I gestured him forward and had him lay down on the cloth we had set out on the ground. I had learned that if you didn't even make it look like you tried, then the response was extremely poor and one furious villager almost gave Anais enough leverage to have me thrown out.

"Does it ever swell?" I asked the old man, summoning my magic to my hands in a soft blue glow.

He bobbed his head in the affirmative, "Nearly every day. It's even worse when it rains."

"I see…" I murmured as I slowly swept my hands around the joint.

I tried to trace the damage, to map it out with my magic for my practice but to also further make it seem to the old man that I was making the active effort to fix his knee. My magic seeped in with easy and I was able to feel everything beneath me like a sixth sense. It confirmed my suspicions that his knee was ruined and there was no repairing it. I sat back on my heels and shook my head down at him.

"I'm terribly sorry but this joint is beyond my ability to repair."

The smile that he gave me was sad, "It's alright. I've lived with this knee for ten years now and I just knew that there would be no fixing it. But…I had to try…you understand…"

"I do." I offered him a hand and helped him to his feet, "The best I can advise you is rub poultices or juice from Elfroot on it for relief of your worst pain and swelling. If it snows, you can use the snow on your knee to help with the swelling."

He bobbed his head again, "Thank you. May the Maker watch over you."

"May he watch over you as well."

I was brought two more bodies that were well beyond my help. Dutifully I knelt next to each of them and gave them a quick scan with my magic to keep up the appearance that I was making the effort. It sounds bad to say it that way but when you are dealing with large numbers of people who are so heavily mired in religious dogma and then seasoned with hope that I could do the impossible, there was no "not trying" with these people. After the two deaths I was presented with a young woman who had been catatonic for years. That one was particularly difficult because it had struck her suddenly with little explanation and the family was convinced that "Surely the Maker's Blessed can restore her mind to her?".

Hyndel, who could see my mounting stress, appeared with a cup of red wine, warmed and spiced. I gratefully took it, thanking him and drank deeply of the cup. It tasted wonderful and pooled warmly in my belly. The wine was just enough to help take the edge off of the stress that I could face the next group coming in. Hyndel had become a surprising support for her despite the intense level of piety that he held. He was not anywhere close to a confidant but he had often stepped forward when he saw I was becoming distressed.

"Thank you." I told him with a smile.

"Of course, Blessed."

His efforts, while appreciated, were always soured with that title. No matter how much I asked him to not call me that, Hyndel always refused, stating that it would be disrespectful to me and the Maker. I had pretty much given up on changing it. I cleared my throat and watched the next group, two figures wrapped in hooded cloaks as they shivered beneath the brutal air. A horrendous dry cough racked one of them almost violently. I furrowed my brows. This was not the first time people approached me for simple healing and it was quite clear that this was a trend that would continue to grow.

"That's a nasty cough you have there." I acknowledged in the most soothing voice I could manage, beckoning them forward, "Let's see if we can get you two fixed up."

They mutely drew closer, wrapping their cloaks even tighter around them as they shivered. I wondered if they were frightened of me. That had happened before, groups of desperate people seeking me out but fearful that if they displeased me that they would face retaliation. I swallowed the lump in my throat and let them approach me. I didn't want to make any sudden movements that could have intimidated them and it seemed to help.

Until I caught a flash of steel and there was a blur of dark cloaks rushing towards me. My vocal cords had been paralyzed in shock and fear as I hurled myself backwards from them, tripping over my robes. A rush of outcry rolled over the cultists but none of them would be able to react in time. Two intimidating daggers were rapidly closing in on my form as I fell backwards.

"Die demon!" one of the two, a grizzled man, roared.

Instinctively, I tapped into my magic, which was more familiar to me after training, and unleashed a burst of flame. It was not an impressive display and would have only caused minor damage if it made contact but it caused the two assailants to quickly throw themselves to the ground to avoid my attack. It may not have been the attack they were anticipating but it was enough to buy me some time for the cultists to respond. They surged forward and restrained the two with outraged cries. It became clear that both of these assailants were men as they were hauled to their feet and definitely not mages.

I stared wide eyed as I met the gaze of the other one that had not spoken yet. The pure and intense hatred and disgust that burned in his eyes made me feel like the ground had been yanked out from underneath me. Never before in my life had anyone ever hated me so deeply. And they hated me enough to try and kill me. Blood drained from my face. They almost succeeded.

" _But there are some that believe very strongly that you are a demon. I have heard whispers of people who think that they should march up to the fortress and have you put down."_

Shit, Ellandra had mentioned this. But it never seemed real. It never seemed like anyone was really going to try and actually kill me. Yet I was staring at two men who had attempted to take my life. I gaped, shivering in abject horror even as Hyndel knelt down next to me to try and give me some semblance of security.

"Why?" I choked out to the two men, struggling against their cultist captors.

"Demons don't belong here!" spat the second one, glaring me down, "One of your kind killed my little girl!"

"But I'm not a demon!"

"Lies! You came from one of the Rifts. You brought back a woman from the dead and that isn't natural! At best you are an abomination!"

This land was steeped in so much death. You couldn't meet a single person living here that hadn't lost someone. And on the off chance you DID, they always KNEW someone who lost just about everything. And that tragedy drove at least one of these two men to try and take my life. Speaker Anais stepped forward then, giving two sharp claps of her hands.

"That's enough of that. Silence them."

The two men were swiftly bound and gagged, as she ordered. A very slight smile was across her mouth and I realized that I was not out of danger. I had the sinking suspicion that Anais just found the ammunition that she needed to take me out of the running as a threat to her. Shaking I turned to look at Hyndel.

"I don't suppose you can take me to where you get that mulled wine?"

His smile was kind and he helped me up. I was going to need more than one cup of that wine to take this edge off.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As per my previous chapters, this chapter may be found disturbing per psychological abuse, religious zeal, burning people alive and other imagery. Reader discretion is advised.**

"You look troubled, Blessed."

I tore my eyes from the horizon, my silence on top of the tower broken. I had not wanted any company but I liked the idea distinctly less sharing space with Anais. Beneath the lurking stare of her brown eyes I could feel the cloaked daggers waiting. But her eyes weren't even the biggest give away that she had a plan. It was her smile. During my time with the cult, Speaker Anais rarely smiled and I had never seen her behave warmly towards me. But the one she was giving me almost seemed warm. Almost.

Have you ever seen raw hunger bubbling over in someone's eyes? There's an art to it. You have to focus on the teeth that peer between their lips and then the hunger spills over to meet their grin. The moment you meet their gaze, it evaporates, a secret they try to keep hidden away. Anais could smell the first drop of blood in the water and that hunger was brimming within her eyes and slipping to her mouth.

"No, I am just taking a moment of contemplation with the Maker. It is quiet up here, a good place to commune and bask in his grace."

And not look at the two prisoners that had been bound and gagged to the statue of the Maker in the courtyard. The Speaker had decided their punishment even if she only announced one part. For now they were kept in the courtyard and at least once a day they were stripped entirely, displayed before the cult to mock and jeer at. The only small consolation was that there was a segment of the followers who seemed to take no joy in this punishment and only participated because they were expected to. Hyndel was among them. There would be someone down there with them to monitor their condition so they didn't freeze to death.

"Indeed. I am happy to see that you have accepted him so readily."

"There is no real denying him, Speaker."

It was a little too easy for me to speak like that despite being immersed in this environment for months. I was not extremely religious so it was odd to have such pious words falling from my lips without much thought anymore. It felt like the cult's ways were weedling into my psyche and that was something that made my stomach roll. My answer seemed to satisfy her for she nodded almost sagely at my words. And then that smile widened just a bit.

"Truer words were never spoken. Today I need you to watch the signs of our would be assassins. The weather is getting even colder and the Maker is not yet finished with their punishment. See to it that they do not suffer ill health during their punishment today."

Nausea dug its cruel fingers into my stomach. She wanted me right there. Watching. Jeering. So far I had dodged this fate because of the string of needed people coming for the "miracles" I offer. But I had to admit that there was a part of me that felt angry. That WANTED to see them suffer. They had tried to KILL me! Logically I knew that they were scared, that I was something too similar to the demons pouring from the Rifts. The Breach had stopped growing weeks ago but the threat still remained. This entire land had been dragged into an upheaval, entire ways of life uprooted. These men were frightened and had lost everything.

The conflict that warred within my chest was intense and tore at my psyche. A part of me wanted them to suffer for trying to murder me but the rest of me realized that they were afraid and did what they thought they could to eliminate a threat. I swallowed thickly, trying to think of how I could get out of this. But Anais clucked her tongue at me, my hesitation spread across my face.

"Now, now, we all must do our duties. The Maker wants them to be punished and we all must carry out his will. Make sure to strip them yourself."

"Of course…" I answered faintly, trying to ignore the growing sickness in my belly, "I'll…be down in a moment."

"See that you are… The Maker has finally spoken to me about their fate and I will be announcing it today."

I tried not to look at her but I couldn't ignore the smile that was still across her lips. It was the smile of someone who just claimed a victory. I didn't want to think of what that meant for me.

Xxxxx

When I arrived in the courtyard, the would be assassins were gagged still and tied to the statue. There was little dignity for these men. Anais ordered for them to be taken outside the fort for them to relieve themselves but they were not cleaned up after. So after their time as prisoners for a few weeks, they smelled foul and the fecal matter had built up. If they had not been lashed to the statue of the Maker I was certain that Anais wouldn't have even freed them for those purposes. No one was allowed to clean them up for "like their sins, they must be marked as unclean and impure".

My jaw clenched uncomfortably tight when they shook their heads at me furiously when I reached to strip them. I gave them a tormented glance, trying to convey wordlessly that I did not do this of my free will. It was impossible to tell if they understood or not because they still fought and I didn't blame them. The cold had turned biting, sharp enough to hint at possible snow incoming. Even in my thick and warm robes the air was still potently chilly. I took a deep and shaky breath and pushed those feelings of guilt down. The courtyard was filling already and any hesitation would be something for Anais to use against me.

The response from the first man was instant, he gave a muffled groan through the gag when the sharp air touched his bare skin. The second was more volatile and thrashed against his bonds but nothing he could do would be able to stop me and he screeched at me from behind the gag. Several of them colorful words and then something about the Void but I couldn't understand all of it. I stepped back, considering how long it would take for them to last. Considering how long would appease Anais but also minimize their suffering.

Jeering started quickly. It was a few at first but it grew as more spoke up, hurling insults and soon vegetables. I had to interfere when one of them made a move to toss their mulled wine on them, citing that it would cause them to get too cold and they still had to get their punishment. I didn't join in but I had to watch them closely in order to dodge that requirement. I wasn't sure which was worse to be honest. Routinely I would press my hand to their skin to test the temperature. I said nothing to give them a hint that I was trying to help as best I could. The crowd made it impossible to pass that message verbally and could only be shown with my actions.

"My children!" called out a strong voice. It was enough to still the crowd and everyone turned to see Speaker Anais just in front of the gate, "The Maker has at last spoken to me on what his judgment will be for those who sought to murder his Blessed."

The cult had already been silent at Anais words but there was a second wave of anticipation that rushed over the group. I stilled, straightening, struggling to see her face. The look curdled my blood. There was no wickedness, no rage and no hunger. No, the Speaker had a look that was so utterly and convincingly remorseful. It showed me that her personality was the very picture of a sociopath because I knew that whatever she was about to mete out was going to be bad.

"It brings me pain but the Maker cannot abide by the two men who tried to slaughter his Blessed one. She is one in his protection and one of our fold and such an attempt was too foul for him to tolerate. The assassins must be put to death. They will be cleansed by fire to burn away their sins. Tonight at dusk we will place them upon the pyre." She cast her sorrowful gaze to the two men, now shouting muffled protests, eyes wide, "I am sorry but you brought this upon yourselves. May the Maker have mercy upon you in your death."

"Wait!"

The cult turned to stare at me, parting slightly so that I might also see Anais more clearly. Horror settled into my bones when I realized that I had shouted that desperate protest. There was still no sign of the predator that I had seen lurking in the Speaker. In fact she looked concerned, her brows furrowed and she took a few steps forward.

"You have something to say, Blessed?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Is…is there not any other way? Is there not any way that these men can redeem themselves in the eyes of the Maker?"

My answer was a somber shake of her head, "I spoke in depth with him. It is why it took so long for me to deliver his final judgment. I tried to ask, to beg for another way but he has made his decision." The smile she gave me was kind, "It speaks well of you that you are willing to forgive these men, Blessed."

I should have just been quiet. But there was no logical thought running through my mind. All I could see was these two men, two terrified men, screeching in scorching flame until they died. They didn't deserve this! I wrung my hands, nervously, my robes feeling uncomfortably tight despite the fact that they hung loosely from me after the weight I had lost.

"Is…are you certain? There is no other way?"

Anais cocked her head, "I am certain, as much as it grieves me. Blessed Eve-"

My stomach nearly heaved. That was what people called me for a while here and the compromise was 'Blessed Evelyn' or just 'Blessed'. The moniker made me think too much of Eve from the biblical stories and it just added a new layer of religious zeal that I couldn't stomach. And Anais was clearly using it for leverage.

"-I know this is a hard decision but are you questioning the orders of our Maker?"

And like that, the jaws of her trap closed around me. A thousand thoughts raced through me. Was it worth standing up to them? Speaking out further? Would they try to kill me? If they didn't try to kill me was I ready to survive on my own? I could find Ellandra but I didn't know exactly where she was. Was she even still hanging around? The odds were too stacked against me to survive.

"Of course not. I am sorry to make it seem that way. I had just hoped…that maybe mercy was possible."

I dipped my head and stared at the ground. This was as much a genuine gesture as it was a tactical one. These men were going to be burned alive because of Anais trying to remove me as a threat. They were men who got caught in the crossfire, regardless of their attempt on my life. I was angry but not enough to put them to death let alone that brutal of one!

"I know it's hard…" Anais told me in a way that sounded convincingly empathetic, "But the Maker's will must be done."

I kept clenched behind my teeth that it was not the Maker's will but hers.

When the time arrived, even the sun seemed to be mocking me for it set on the horizon with more red I had ever seen on a sunset. And it cast the two condemned men in a halo like blood and fire as they begged through their gags. Anais had still refused to have them removed and in some ways I took it as a small mercy. I didn't think I could stand hearing them shouting for mercy as they were dragged to the two pyres built on the hillside. Once again they had been stripped of their clothes and lashed to the posts bare as the day they were born. They struggled growing more violent in their thrashing when Anais approached with a torch in her hand.

"May the Maker show you mercy." She bid the first before turning to us, "Be sure to watch for we must all see what falls to those who commit a crime against the Maker."

The fire spread quickly in the brush and sticks gathered at his feet once it caught. The two were quickly engulfed in flames. Despite the gags the absolute howl of agony that tore from them was enough to make me feel like the air was shuddering around me. The shrieks were loud and inhuman and I realized that I was feeling the actual Veil shudder around us from the intensity of the emotions radiating from the fires. I squinted my eyes tightly against the awful sound, tears pouring down my face.

The screams seemed to go on for hours but with how little the sun had changed I determined that it must have only been a few minutes. I doubted they were dead yet due to how open everything was, the carbon monoxide probably wouldn't be enough to kill them. I bit my lip to choke back a sob and counted my blessings that the two men probably passed out from the pain. Anais made us all watch for at least an hour even after the screaming had stopped. But the pyres were still burning by the time we retreated back into the fort. I went to bed that night with a large amount of mulled wine as I desperately tried to purge the horrid smell of charred flesh from me.

Xxxxxx

Anais kept the charred corpses of those two men on display for a full week. According to her, it was another mandate of the maker. Even though it had been at least a month and a half since they were taken down, the image was forever branded into my head. I could see the greed and malice that crept out in her secret glares and sneers towards me. But to the rest of the group, her razor teeth that yearned to sink into power were well hidden and I had begun to wonder if I was the only one who could see it. I was at a loss of what to do. Even if I could think of how to battle against her efforts to undermine me, the only outcome would be further adoration for me. I would be placed on a pedestal and that alarmed me. But if I did nothing, I was certain that I could be tossed out on my ass or even burnt as the stake alongside those two men who tried to assassinate me.

"Blessed?"

I was startled out of my thoughts by Emmett, the husband of the young woman I had performed CPR on months ago. Nannette was her name. In my head, I always thought of her in past tense because I had already learned in my field of work that a death of the self can occur well before the death of the body.

"Apologies." I replied remorsefully.

Nannette, while she had already been a lithe woman, had lost weight considerably. Infact the best term to describe her physical condition would be "wasting away". For the first few weeks we could not get her to eat although she would swallow small sips of water out of a preserved reflex. After a little over a week, I had encouraged the cultists to grind any food they planned to give her and mix it with water until it became something of a thin, watery paste. It was gross but it was the only way to get any kind of nutrients in her.

I pulled my stethoscope from around my neck, something that Ellandra had the judgement to save, and took a careful listen to her chest. The sensation of me pressing the bell to her skin, cold metal biting was enough to cause her limbs to tense and retract awkwardly towards her. I winced at the sight for her decorticate posturing had not improved. I hadn't really expected it to but I had held out a very faint flicker of hope.

She felt feverish to the touch and her forehead was damp with sweat despite the cold. I listened carefully to her lungs and felt dread sink into my stomach. Her lungs were filled with secretions, which was likely part of why she was getting so sick. And as much as I hated to admit it, the chances were pretty high that she had been silently aspirating as well. We hadn't been able to sit her up properly in the bed because she tenses and postures with every touch so she would not bend at the waist. We had to make do and use multiple people to try and hold her up as much as we could to feed her.

She had to be turned every few hours to avoid bedsores. And every day I could see Emmett's hope wavering. Withering. It was wasting away as surely as his wife, Nannette. Death can come in many forms and the sudden death of a loved one doesn't always have to be the worst one. When there is the death of self and their body starts to wither, you watch the family fade with them and there is nothing that makes it better.

"Blessed?" Emmett cleared his throat awkwardly, "Why hasn't Nannette reclaimed her mind? The Speaker says that if the Maker granted her a second chance that she should have fully recovered by now…."

Shit. I could not explain the truth behind what was happening. Not only would I not be believed but it would give Anais an opening to strike again. I had to talk my way out of this and tread very carefully. I straightened my back and gestured for Emmett to come sit with me at one of the roughly made wooden tables. We sat across from each other for a solemn silent moment as I folded my hands on the table.

"I will speak honestly with you." I gave only a blink at the half truth I was about to weave, "Nannette came back to life on a physical level because the Maker willed it. However after that there is a trial of the mind. She must overcome what she experienced in order to return to us and her body. This is not an easy test because she has been given a glimpse of peace away from this world, especially given the…cruel way in which she was killed. Even the strongest of minds may not wish to return to us."

Tears stung his eyes, "But she wouldn't have left me! And I would have never left her!"

"I cannot claim to know her. But if it is possible to return to the Maker's side and ascend the violence in this world, do you think she would go to him?"

"I….I don't know."

He fell silent, staring down although I was certain he was not really seeing his own hands or the table. Guilt coursed through me at having to spin such a foul lie. Having to weave together something resembling religious dogma to further myself felt unspeakably underhanded. But I still had the contorted charred corpses of Anais' victims seared across my mind. All I could think about was how she might do that to me.

My tired eyes drifted to my patient and I felt another nagging of my conscious. One I could not ignore. I looked back to Emmett and picked at my nails lightly as I deliberated. I couldn't tell him the full truth of her condition. But I could tell him the outcome and how it was going to proceed.

"There is something else that I need you to know… It is looking highly likely that her mind will not be returning. But, to that end, as you can see the body cannot exist without the mind. For as long as it is gone, she will continue to wither like this. Until there is not enough left to even sustain her body."

Tears watered in his eyes again, "What are you trying to say…?"

I knew that tone. I had heard it before. It was a question asked hoping that he had not understood what I was implying. Swallowing down my nausea, I pressed on. He had to know. And it was only ethical if she was…allowed to pass.

"She cannot continue to exist like this. Her body, for as long as it is totally absent of her mind, will continue to deteriorate until there is no heartbeat and life left. But as long as her body is still living as it is her mind will be torn between the Maker's side and here. She cannot go to him and for whatever reason she cannot return here. As long as this continues she will be torn between two places."

"So what are you saying? That we just kill her? That **I** give you my permission to kill her?" He was shaking as he spoke, tears pouring down his face.

"Look at her, Emmett." I murmured softly.

"I HAVE been looking at her! For MONTHS. Every day. For. Months! Why did you bring her back if you were just going to try and kill her later!?"

Tears fell from my own eyes. I had never done this before. In my line of work I had never been the one who had to speak to the family about withdrawing care. At most I was the one to come in and terminally pull their breathing tube after the decision had been made to let them go. This was much harder than I had ever imagined. And I couldn't help but feel responsible. How differently would things have gone if I hadn't tried? I wouldn't have been elevated in status. She wouldn't have suffered an anoxic brain injury and would have passed as peacefully as possible. And Emmett wouldn't have had to watch his wife slowly shrivel away.

"No." I told him gently, the tears still flowing, "No, really look at her. Look at what she has become. Look at how she is going to continue to be. Is that how she would want to be?" He shuddered out a sob, "You do not have to make a decision now. Take whatever time you need. I will continue in my care for her as long as she breathes and will not do anything unless you are ready."

Emmett was silent for a few moments before he looked up at me with venom in his gaze, "To the Void with you! No one is killing my wife!"

He stormed out leaving me alone with the woman who was only existing and no longer living. I couldn't help but feel like I had just put the first nail in my coffin.

Xxxxxx

"It's so strange…" I said to Hyndel as I looked over the various potions that he had created, his notes cleanly written, "We had so many refugees and now no one comes out here."

My fingers found the cup of warmed spiced wine next to our work table and I took a heavy pull. Call it self medication for it was the only thing I had to help calm my nerves in this steadily worsening environment. It was even worse since Ellandra had not come back to visit and she was the only relief I had from these people.

Hyndel looked up from his own page, a new potion he was working on, "According to our own scouts, it would seem that the fighting has increased again to the point that it is far too dangerous for refugees to be traveling in. Even a single armed person would likely not survive the brutal fighting that is happening right now."

That brought me even more conflict. On the one hand it would explain why Ellandra hadn't come and it meant that she hadn't abandoned me. But on the other hand it could mean that she was dead. I hoped desperately that was not the case because she was one of my only friends. Hyndel, I had come to count as another. Underneath the fervor that Anais had instilled in him, he was remarkably smart and even seemed to be grounded. What he simply needed was to get out of this environment. What he needed was to see the Speaker for what she really was.

"I see…"

"What troubles you?" he asked, pulling his eyes off of his notes to look at me.

"I just worry for Ellandra. The mage woman who saved me. I hope that she's ok…"

Hyndel nodded sagely, "I understand. I often worry for my parents…but they refuse to listen to reason and stay in their home simply because it is theirs. I tried to convince them to come with me" he clenched his fists, "But they refused. I can do no more to help them now."

"Why don't you stay with them? Go home and be with them."

"I am needed here. I should be here."

"You are needed there." I retorted, "You SHOULD be there."

"Blessed…you make it sound like you don't want me here."

I drank deeply of my cup again, "Hyndel. You have been tremendously helpful to me and every day you have been here for me I have been immensely grateful. But your parents are still **alive**. I would give up a lot to be with my family again. There are many out there that would give anything to see their loved ones again. I hate to see you waste this. You don't have to be here to show your dedication to the Maker…"

The elven mage looked taken aback. Cautiously he looked around and then leaned forward and gestured me to come closer. Curiousity piqued, I scooted my chair towards him until he was very close to me.

"I hadn't said anything but…" his voice was conspiratorially low, "I have not felt good about this place after…after what the Speaker did to those men."

I looked at him, thunder-struck. I had never expected to find someone who would speak about how they doubted Anais. Everyone, if they were even considering it, was too afraid to speak. Or at least that was how it seemed.

"Thank you for trusting me." I murmured back, "But you really need to get out of here. She is dangerous. She's not right. And I think she's going to come after me. I'm not blessed or anything but she sees me as a threat."

Hyndel swallowed, "I've seen. Bl...Evelyn…she's trying to turn people against you. She's been talking to some of us and asking why Nannette hasn't recovered her mind."

I gave him a grateful smile for using my name before I lowered my head and took a shuddering breath, "I know…I had to speak with her husband about that a week ago. And I also had to explain that she would only decay like this…that she needs to be let go. He…he didn't take it well."

He seemed to dive into a flurry of thoughts then, his eyes becoming glazed, his brows furrows as he wracked over his ideas. We remained silent for quite some time but it was not an uncomfortable one. The fact that I was in the company of someone that I felt I could trust lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders. It was so notable that I didn't realize just how much I was carrying in silence until it felt like I was breathing again for the first time in months.

"You could come with me. It will be tight but my parents won't mind. I could help you more with your magic." His eyes glinted in the beams of sunlight that filtered through into the tower, "And I saw how you knew exactly how to help that little boy who came in with the breathing trouble. My mother has it as well though it has been a long time since it gave her problems. I'm sure she would be glad to have you in the house."

Tears watered in my eyes at the prospect of freedom, "That…that is so nice of you. But I fear that Speaker Anais will not let me leave openly. I am too much of a value to the cult. She needs to defame me. I wouldn't even be able to pack my stuff without someone commenting."

His brows knitted tightly, "I…I cannot argue that."

I sat back, speaking in my normal voice once more, "You are sweet to offer. But think of yourself, please."

I hated to think how if he waited too long he could be just as trapped here as I was.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Walk with me, Blessed."

I looked up from Nannette, who I had been trying to feed, to see Speaker Anais standing on the other side of the bed, her arms folded primly but her smile was a kind one. She had to show me a different attitude, a kinder one, when others were around. After all, it could backfire in her face otherwise once she finally made the move to remove me. I passed the cup of food that had been ground to a loose paste to one of the healers and wiped my hands with a damp cloth. There was no denying Speaker Anais here. No one refused her and I suspected few wanted to deny her out of respect. But after my conversation with Hyndel, it had planted the idea in my head that if he had begun doubting then there were going to be others.

But nonetheless, I played along and accompanied her out into the courtyard and then out the gates. Many people watched us leave together so I took comfort in the fact that she would probably not attempt to harm me while outside of the fort. The leaves of the country side had been gripped with the fiery touch of autumn though there were still some that persisted with hues of green. But the cold was bitter now, enough to cut through the thick layers of robes I was wearing.

"Where are we going?" I asked carefully as she lead me along the grassy hill.

"No where in particular. I just wanted to speak with you and get some proper fresh air while we were at it."

"Right…"

Anais still, startlingly enough, maintained her amicable attitude even after we had stepped out of earshot of the fort. Which did not bode well for me. It made me feel distinctly like I was at last cornered by a predator with no escape route in sight. Still I kept my silence and walked alongside her.

"We are fortunate to have you among us, Blessed Evelyn." She praised.

I nearly did a double take, "Thank you, Speaker. I am fortunate to be here."

Her smile widened, "Indeed. Your work of healing has grown at…a startling rate. Do you know how many years it takes for most users to learn magic and to control it? It is remarkable and practically unheard of. Some would say…almost unnatural."

I didn't like where this was going.

"The Maker works in mysterious ways." I replied sagely, "Perhaps I have been blessed with his graces to excel because my talents are needed most in such a troubled time."

Anais bobbed her head, "Very true. You are fortunate to receive his blessing as such."

"I am. He has been too kind to me."

"And you are fortunate to have found your way to us. Can you imagine how terrified the villagers would be of you? Many would think you are a demon, like those two misguided souls who tried to murder you. Or think you an imposter. I shudder to think of how my people would react if they thought you were either."

It felt like my throat was closing up but I kept my face a gentle and kind smile. I still put out the very air and soul of one of the faithful.

"Indeed. That would have been a very unfortunate thing for me. I have much to thank the Maker for."

We stopped on a steep slope overlooking another Rift that glittered in the sunlight. There were no demons pouring from it at the moment and it almost looked like a magical jewel that hung suspended in the air. But I knew what lurked beyond it. I had seen some Shades pop free of the one in the fort and had been more than a little shaken by the sight of it. How did I ever manage to survive coming through one of those?

"As do we for without him you would not have helped heal so many, including some of our own who had fallen ill. Please take care of yourself." She looked out over the valley, "I suspect that there is more bloodshed to come."

I swallowed, feeling a cold blanket wrap over me.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's interesting how things can be underwhelming after there has been so much build up. Like after everyone gush about how that one film or tv show is just so good and then when you finally sit down to watch it, it just falls utterly flat. It wasn't bad. In fact they can still be good but the expectations can just be built up so high within your head that nothing can ultimately match it. That was how it was for me when I first saw the Herald of Andraste.

He was handsome, a cut jaw, dark skin that reminded me of some of the dark fallen leaves of autumn. There was this entire earthy air to his appearance. His hair was long and kept in a ponytail and it was such a dark brown it was almost black. But his eyes. His eyes were the truly striking things about him. Once you got close enough to see they were like rings of vivid mahogany, almost staggering in their intensity. The left eye had an old scar there, entrenched like an old memory in his skin. And above it all his face was one that had such a stern look to it that he seemed to look like he was burying a constant anger.

But he still looked like a human. A normal, everyday human despite the fact that he was heavily armored and sported an impressively large sword on his back. The truly impressive impression came from when he sealed the Rift, just as the legends stated. It had been truly breath taking and we all gathered around at the top of the slope to watch the rush of toxic green energy rise to meet the tear in the veil lurking in the cave. It swelled, an ominous rumble echoing within it until it burst out like an explosion and then it was gone.

Murmurs erupted amongst the cult. When he walked back up the hill trailed by an elven mage, another warrior human woman with short dark hair and a man who I could only assume was a dwarf, he approached Speaker Anais.

"Maker's breath! I was a fool to have doubted you!" she exclaimed breathlessly, "You truly are the Herald of Andraste. How may we serve you?"

His posture was stiff when he answered, "Help the refugees. And I would like to speak with your…Blessed of the Maker."

The eyes of the cult fell to me slowly until everyone was staring at me. Including the strangers. I shifted uncomfortably and folded my arms over my chest, refusing to make any kind of direct eye contact.

"That's me…" I said quietly.

The Herald gestured for me to follow him before telling the cult and Anais to give him a moment with me. I followed, dozens of questions bouncing around my head. Had my name really spread that far? What did he want? As his company trailed after us, I wondered what they thought. Did they truly believe that I was Blessed? We huddled into one of the tower rooms where we could all talk in private. I was immensely nervous for already I had been so mired in a toxic religious environment that I feared what the man dubbed the Herald of Andraste could want from me.

Silence.

"How can I help you?" I asked the group carefully, my face giving away nothing.

The Herald looked me up and down, "You certainly don't look like much. Not at all like the stories that surround you."

I felt the back of my neck prickle at the insult. Perhaps he had not intended it to be that way but it certainly could have come off much better. The dwarf next to him, dusky blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail with warm brown eyes grimaced.

"Pro tip for you? Don't ever start a conversation with the person you want to get to help you with that line."

I cast a grateful look to the dwarf but still kept my mouth shut on the comment this Herald made. I still had no idea where he stood on the Andrastian faith. His piercing eyes met mine and we stared for a few moments. I had noted that he was tall when he first came into the Winterwatch fort but being in the same room with him, he was not only tall but very bulky in his musculature. He would have to be with such a large sword that he carried as his weapon. He squared his shoulders.

"Right well, sorry. But let's get down to business. The Inquisition desperately needs healers and while we will not ask to take all of your people, you will come and help us and our cause."

This blatant show of power and demand caused me to lose my filter, "Excuse me?"

"Consider it a payment for us sealing your Rift and protecting the hold."

"A-adrian!" Spluttered the warrior woman, stepping forward, "You can't just force her!"

She was a beautiful woman with such a strong air about her, light olive skin catching the firelight in such a flattering way and to me he scar that was on her cheek only added to her appearance. It gave character. And what's more, she earned some respect from me for standing up to the Herald.

"We need a healer, Cassandra. Our troops and refugees have more sick and wounded than any of our own healers, which are very few, can keep up with. I think it's a small price to ask for after the help we have given them. What else do you suggest?"

"Ask permission first?" added in the bald elven man from the side, touching his fingers to his chin.

His voice was like quiet velvet but there was a slight barb hidden under it. It was impressive how he was able to sound almost pleasant with such an underlying prick of biting sarcasm. I also gave him an appreciative look.

Adrian did not seem amused, "I know you people here are closely tied but our need is great and you have fixed problems that other experienced healers were unable to fix. You brought someone back from the dead. Or are all of the stories wrong?"

I no longer held a pleasant tone, "No not entirely. But what they don't say was what I used to bring that woman back was something that required no magic and I could easily teach any of you."

"That detail matters little. This cult has spread of how quickly your gifts have grown-"

"Because I have worked exceptionally hard to learn and catch up. I have even avoided people to try to learn as fast as I can."

"You also came through a Rift." He persisted.

"As did you." I shot back.

"And you're from another world."

I paused. I had forgotten that the cult had spread that much information. And the Herald honed right in on that.

"So it is true."

"…Yes."

"Regardless, we are not in a position right now to be asking permission. Blessed-"

"Evelyn." I corrected sharply.

"Evelyn…you will join the Inquisition."

I could feel the temper rising within me and my filter was slowly starting to lift. While I had kept my words carefully controlled here, it was because Anais was like a hidden snake and if I wasn't careful she could have painted me out to be the danger. But Adrian…Adrian was clearly revealing the type of person he was and so the danger seemed to fade. How DARE he try to force me!

"And if I say 'no'?" I asked coldly.

He sighed, as if he were frustrated and not wishing to continue, "Then I will be forced to tell everyone that you are a demon."

My eyes widened in horror.

The dwarf stared at the Herald in shock, "You can't be serious!"

Adrian set his jaw, "It is not what I want to do but if you will not come that is my only option. Join us or people will hear how you are a demon."

Have you ever been so angry that you lose that raging heat that seems to burst in your chest? Have you ever been so angry that this strange sensation of calm and quiet rushes over you? That was what I felt in that moment. And that was how I joined the Inquisition. With coercion and a cold, quiet anger that had settled over my chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry about the delay guys! I got mugged and the guy made off with my laptop along with other things. So I lost a lot of my WIPS so pretty much everything is delayed. Also, from now on I will likely just post on my AO3 account from now on. My name is still LavenderWine! Thanks guys!**

"So...you're quiet."

I tilted my head, "I...guess I have been quiet. Am I making things uncomfortable?"

Varric paused to wait for me to catch up to him, "Uncomfortable? No. Mysterious more like."

I blinked bemusedly for a moment and then laughed lightly, "Mysterious? Can't say I've ever had anyone accuse me of being that. How do you figure I'm being mysterious?"

"You must be joking! A young woman that came through a Rift from another world who we recruited from a cult in the hills?"

A scowl crossed my face, "Yeah, I think 'drafted' is the better word."

The urge to glare up at Adrian's back burned in my bones. But I held that desire in check. Despite the fact that I was forced into joining the Inquisition, I was away from the cult and now my continued living and protection was dependent upon this traveling group. I furrowed my brows and swept my eye back to the dwarf, assessing him carefully. Something about Varric put me at ease. He made me feel a bit more comfortable and like I had a chance to be more myself. He certainly didn't seem to act or look like a devout Andrastian or anything.

"And you're still quiet!"

"No…" I smirked weakly at him then, "I'm being **mysterious**."

The dwarf laughed, "Alright, I'll give you that one."

"So...Varric? Why are you here? I mean, this is a….religious group. It's called the 'Inquisition' afterall. And yet you…"

"Don't seem like one of the faithful?" he helpfully supplied.

"Yeah."

"Listen, it doesn't take being a part of the faithful to try and patch up a hole in the sky."

"Good point."

Varric leaned in, "Plus I got dragged into it same as you by our charming Seeker up there."

"I can still hear you!" Cassandra called back.

"Does that make it any less true?"

My mind was reeling. Cassandra opposed Adrian trying to force me into the Inquisition and yet she had forced Varric in? Why would she do that? Had her opinion changed? Were the circumstances different?

"Do not listen to him." The woman halted to face us, resting her arm ontop of her sheathed sword, "As much as he likes to moan about it, Varric has been free to leave for a while. I only brought him to tell the Divine about how the rising civil war started…."

"The Divine…" I repeated slowly, familiarity pricking at the edges of my mind, "Wasn't she the one who died at the Conclave?"

Cassandra flinched, her brows knotting firmly over her eyes that brimmed with hurt, "Among many others…. I would prefer not to speak of this any further."

My gaze softened and I nodded, "Ok."

"Are you lot finished? The sky isn't going to close itself." Adrian snapped back to us irately.

'I wish your mouth would close itself.' I thought venomously but I kept my gaze directed at the ground.

Varric and I kept pace with each other and when I felt like the Herald was no longer paying us any mind, I looked to the dwarf, "Is he always that pleasant? Or am I just catching him at a special time?"

My walking companion snorted, "No he's definitely that charming naturally." he rubbed his chin then, "But I will say, it's hard to get a good read on the guy. It's almost like he doesn't like people and yet he still tries to do things to help them."

"How do you mean?"

"Well like when he forced you to join. He didn't handle it well at all and got so focused on our task that he didn't seem to think or care how it would make you feel about it. But I have seen him help haul wounded soldiers back into safety even when it would put himself at risk."

My eyes drifted back to the warrior leading us, watching the sword on his back bob in time with his steps. So I had to begrudgingly admit that maybe he wasn't a complete asshole. My eyes narrowed into a glare.

But he was still an asshole.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

We walked for what felt like hours from the cult in the hills. And it was miles out from the fort that we were ambushed by mages. A fireball came careening at me, the heat washing over my body before it made contact. But I was sent sprawling onto the snow dusted ground when an armored body collided with me. Reeling, I looked up to see Adrian looming over me, pony tail hanging over his shoulder and into my face. Fierce mahogany eyes glared down at me.

"Stay out of the way, girl." he snapped in annoyance before climbing to his feet.

"Take them down!" Cried out a hoarse voice.

I pushed myself up onto my elbows and saw four mages gathered down the hill from us. There was a raw desperation burning in all of their faces that cut to my heart. Did they think we were templars? Why would they be so desperate to kill us? My thoughts were knocked away when another mage summoned up a fireball and sent it flying towards us. Raw fear sank its claws into my chest, the memory of burned corpses and the stench of scorched flesh washed over me like a tidal wave.

My breath froze in my lungs, my muscles locked and the first fireball was quickly accompanied by others. I could feel the heat rolling down towards us and I stared at the incoming attack with wide eyes. Before I could snap out of it, Solas stepped in front of me and held out a hand with purpose, his staff pressed behind him. The air around us hummed to life, vibrating against my skin faster and faster until there was a dim glow that flickered into existence. It grew until it covered the front half of us, the light glowing brighter now.

A fireball collided with the light, the flames bursting on contact, heat roaring past us. Blazing embers rained down around to the ground, Solas and I unharmed by the attack. With the wave of his hand, the barrier dissipated and the battle truly began. With an uncanny grace, the elven mage twirled his staff to fire off a bolt of energy back towards our attackers.

"Stay behind me." he instructed firmly, standing with confidence before the group of mages advancing towards us.

Shaking all over, I nodded weakly, "Okay…."

Everything seemed to race by in a blur. I had never seen a fight of this scale before, the worst being skirmishes with demons that had crept into the fort but never like this and with other people. It was brutal, it was violent and by the end of it all I was staring over four bleeding corpses of mages that had just been afraid and attacked out of self preservation.

My eyes locked onto a woman. No...a girl. She must have been seventeen and she lay in the snow, her hair a halo about her head and her throat marred with a crossbolt right through her trachea. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat as the group chattered back and forth, not at all hearing what they were saying. I snapped out of when Varric stepped up to the body and pulled the crossbolt out of her neck with a sickening 'squelch'.

"I don't know, Seeker." he said with a sigh, kneeling down next to the girl to close her eyes, "They didn't seem mad with power to me. They acted more afraid than anything else."

"But why would they attack first? We hadn't even seen them! And not a one of us look like templars!" she protested.

"Perhaps they were worried we would spot them and attack or run off to tell some templars." Varric cleaned the blood off of the bold and put it away, "That...or maybe there's more of them nearby and they wanted to protect their group."

I could feel the tears blurring my eyes. I could smell the smoke from the scorched patches of earth. And I could hear the screams of pain from when these people had been cut down. The awful memory seemed to flood my skin, burrow into my bones and rush into my blood. I looked to the party I was traveling with, feeling horrified to see them checking their pockets for items they could take. It felt so wrong. Such a gross violation and so casually dismissive of the slaughter that just happened.

Cassandra straightened, pocketing a few coins that she had found on one of the fallen, "Perhaps. I suppose it is too late to matter now."

"You. Girl."

I snapped my head to the side to see Adrian advancing towards me, a flame of anger burning in his eyes. There was blood spatter on his face. On his armor. It splashed onto the sword he had yet to put away and I felt afraid. I didn't move as he advanced towards me. And I didn't move when he reached out and took hold of the front of my robes. My eyes widened when he pulled me a bit closer to him.

"Are you touched in the head?" he snarled, "You stood there and watched a fireball come flying at you?!"

My voice was locked in my throat. I couldn't look at his eyes for I was too fixated on the blood. It was everywhere. It gleamed in liquid rubies on his armor in the light of the sun, clung to his skin. I could hear weeping like a distant echo reaching past the world. Energy hummed around me and all I could feel was the death that clung around him like a second skin.

"Are you listening to me?" Adrian shook me roughly, "If I hadn't been there you could have died!"

"Adrian…" Varric said cautiously.

"Not now, Varric." was the warrior's sharp retort, his hand still clutching my robes.

"If you continue as you are…" Solas said, his voice even, "she is going to lose control."

Adrian tore his eyes away from me to look at the elven mage. When he looked back to me, he looked down at my hands and an understanding lit up in his eyes. Slowly his fingers released my robes and he stepped away. When I lifted my hands up, just as slowly as Adrian had released me, I was met with thin crackles of lightning sparking around my limbs. The sight struck terror into me. The electricity pulsed, growing in it's intensity but still held barely to me.

"Solas…." I choked out, "How do I stop it?"

I had honed in almost all of my focus on my healing skills. The lightning and attack magic as a whole I had barely touched. The only time I had lost control was back when I was first traveling with Ellandra and those highway men had attacked us. The elven mage approached me, placing himself between Adrian and I. That one action eased a slight bit of my discomfort and fear.

"Close your eyes. And breathe."

I did as instructed, taking a deep and shaky breath.

"What do you feel?"

"Fear." was my immediate answer.

"Your own? Or is it from around you?"

I felt a shudder roll across my skin, "Both."

"You are safe with us, Evelyn."

A sigh rushed passed my lips and yet my back tensed at the same time, "Am I?"

"Yes. We will not cast you out or hurt you."

I did not understand how Solas was able to retain such a calming presence after all the chaos that had just erupted. I did not understand how he seemed unperturbed by my barely clinging to control by a thread. But he was and it brought a stillness to my spirit. I nodded in response.

"I smell the fire." I breathed, shuddering at the scent of charred clothes and flesh and grass.

"Ignore it. Focus, instead, upon the power you hold in your hands."

I did as instructed, feeling the threads of electricity twisting around me. It hummed in almost anticipation, in a need to be released. It suddenly made sense what I needed to do. I took a deep breath and sighed, slowly releasing the energy that had built within my fingers. The lightning dissipated easily, leaving a slight hum that echoed in the air before fading.

"Thank you…." I said with a relieved sigh, dropping my shoulders.

"Of course. It would be overwhelming for anyone."

I looked back to Adrian to see the man relaxing his sword arm, visibly. I paled. Would he have killed me? What did he think I was going to do? Was it really worth killing me over some discharged lightning? But then I remembered Ellandra telling me about Abominations and swallowed hard. Had they thought I was about to become one?

Cassandra seemed to sense my internal crisis, "Let's keep moving. I don't think any of us want to remain here any longer and we have a lot of ground to cover."

I could have kissed her for that.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We hiked for days. For almost two weeks really. I was ready for some time alone. I was ready for some warmth. Honestly, I was ready for a lot of things but I probably would have given half of my rations for the week to just be away from Adrian. He was sour, contrary, temperamental and really just an insensitive jackass. And confusing. Very confusing to me.

He actively expressed disdain for having to help anyone on the team but still seemed to get mad if they got hurt. Made steps to try and eliminate chances of injuries. At first I thought it was just more practical and convenient for him to have his party not hurt but there were moments where he almost seemed to really be concerned. He had moments where he was almost nice.

"One would think that a healer would be more accustomed to death." He grunted to me from across the campfire.

And then he did shit like that.

The hike had been filled with more fights with mages and templars alike. Which meant more slaughter. More blood. And more unsettling sights for me to see that I had yet to adjust to. Solas and Varric had stuck a lot with me lately and made it very clear to me that they would not just toss me out onto the road to fend for myself. Even Cassandra made that known that they weren't going to leave a young woman who couldn't look out for herself, unprotected. And as a result my mouth had grown a little more….unfiltered.

"One would also think that someone with the title of 'Herald of Andraste' would be more understanding and kind to his followers but here we are."

The answering scowl could have made the sky shiver but I said nothing more. And neither did he. I went back to focusing on the ball of lightning I was trying to contain within my palm. Since that day, Solas had been sitting with me to help me gain better control over my powers when we make camp.

"Careful." He instructed, "Lightning is different from fire or ice. It requires less of an outpour of mana because once it is sparked, it is easier to grow due to its own nature."

I followed his words and eased back on the energy I was pouring into the lightning ball. The flickering stabilized and I was able to cup the electricity in my hands. It was like a perfect balance between myself and my magic. Excitement blossomed in me. Perhaps I really could do this.

"Well look at that, Firefly!" Varric laughed, "You got it!"

I released the lightning ball and turned to the dwarf with a puzzled expression, "Firefly?"

"Seemed to fit. Once you got the hang of your magic, your eyes just lit up."

"Oh." I laughed lightly then, "I suppose it's endearing."

Varric leaned back with a smile, taking a slow draw from his water skein, "I live to please."

"Evelyn?" Cassandra asked from across the fire, "What is your world like?"

The raw curiosity that glinted in her eyes next to the reflection of the firelight was so intense and unabated. It was almost child-like, wrapped in wonder as she tried to think of the possibilities of my world. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face then. Seeing her spark, a wistful side of the woman who was normally so battle hardened and practical, it was charming.

"I'm surprised none of you asked sooner." I smirked faintly.

"Well there were plenty of times where you had a look on your face that could scare off a dragon." Varric took another bite of the fire roasted nug that we had for supper.

"You guys have dragons here?"

The dwarf laughed, "See? You lit up again! Firefly is perfect for you!"

"Varric, **hush**." Cassandra said, "Let her speak."

"I must admit, I am fascinated myself." Solas said, intrigue echoing in his voice, "To come from another world entirely...It sounds extraordinary."

I rubbed the back of my head, sheepishly, "It's...hard to know where to begin. My world is so vastly different from this one." I looked up at the stars, pondering for a moment, "One thing I could say is the sky…"

"Is it a different color?" Cassandra asked quickly, nearly delighted.

"Oh...no it's the same color. It's just the place I lived...in the city, you couldn't see the stars like this. Not so many of them nor so brightly. There was too much light pollution."

"Light pollution?"

I cast a cool glance over to Adrian, "Yes. In my country, in many, we have our buildings and cities powered by electricity." I summoned up a lightning ball then, like Solas had shown me, "Electricity harnessed to bring light, to power our buildings, our machines."

"Magic can be used for such things?"

"Well, it wasn't magic, Cassandra. I don't know exactly how it works but magic didn't exist in my world. Or at least, not like this." I studied the orb crackling in my hand, "It was...tricks. Illusions really. It was for entertainment. No one could do something like this-" I made the ball hover a bit higher, "in my world."

"No magic?" Varric tilted his head before giving a dry laugh, "So what did your people even fight about?"

"Oh we fought over plenty. No magic required for that." I released the magic I had channeled into my hand and stared up at the stars.

Silence fell across us for a few moments before it was broken by Adrian.

"You've never even seen fighting before you came here."

I brought my eyes back down, staring at my hands, "No. Violence...well it wasn't everywhere like this. A lot of people would go years or most of their lives without seeing even a brawl. It really just depended on where you lived. I had seen the aftermath of violence in my job. But the act of...killing someone? I had never seen before." It was painfully quiet then. Quiet enough that I shifted uncomfortably and looked back up to the sky, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Some other time."

Thankfully no one argued. I went to bed that night missing my home terribly. And I fell asleep into a dream back into the rush of a busy city, cars roaring by. It was a chaos that I used to not enjoy but that night I had never found the sheer noise of the city more comforting.

Xxxxxxxx

Sometimes the world can surprise us. I was surprised by many things when we finally arrived at Haven. The first surprise was just how...small it was for something with the title of "The Inquisition". It was filled with battered people who seemed to be weighed down by the green light that fell upon them from the sky. Despair and fear seemed to fester between their faint smiles, rimmed with the thread of paranoia.

The second surprise was that the people of Haven seemed to know exactly who I was and what my circumstances were because they seemed to shrink back in fear just from the sight of me. At the sight of me, a young woman who felt just as uprooted as them, overwhelmed by the weight of magic that I was still learning and didn't even know existed until nearly six months ago.

The third surprise was the one that made me angry. Furious even. When I arrived into Haven, there wasn't any kind of set up for a clinic really. Sick and injured were taken inside of the chantry building and cared for. But the part of this entire thing that enraged me was that there were hardly any injured or sick at all. Adrian's whole reason to force me into the Inquisition in the first place was on the premise that their people were overwhelmed with too many sick and injured.

I rounded on him, "I thought you said your people were overwhelmed with more sick and injured than you could handle."

My glare was venomous and Adrian was more than happy to give me one of his own.

"They were." was his tight retort.

"Doesn't seem like it to me." I said hotly.

"Forgive my intrusion…"

Both Adrian and I stopped glaring at each other to stare at a woman who seemed to be in her fifties, garbed in these red and white robes, her hat swooping upwards. Her presence set me on edge for her tone was kind but her eyes surveyed me with guarded suspicion. Yet another here who heard of my story and was anticipating me to burst into violence.

"Mother Giselle." the Herald said, straightening his shoulders.

She nodded her head gently at him in recognition and turned to look at me. If she held the title of "mother" then she must be with the Chantry. I furrowed my brows slightly. Almost everyone here was associated with the Chantry in some way it seemed.

"You must be the one they call, Blessed."

I flinched, "That name is not necessary. Infact I would rather you not use it at all."

"Did you not use your gifts to bring back someone from the dead? I was under the impression that was how you got the title."

"I did...but not in the way everyone seems to think. It was technique and luck. And the technique I could teach anyone here."

"And yet the Maker granted you the luck required. Perhaps the people's belief was not misplaced." I opened my mouth to protest, "But I digress. The herald brought you here to try and help us. And we were overwhelmed by sick and injured. But many of them have passed on to the Maker's side."

My face fell. It was sometimes easy to forget the limitations of their medicine here. And hearing that news made me feel guilty for snapping. I turned my head to look at Adrian and the apology died in my throat. His jaw was set tightly, brows drawn tight over his intense eyes. They closed and he clenched his fist so tight I could almost hear his bones creak.

"How many?" he asked tightly.

"Of the fifteen that arrived to us from the caravan, four survived."

My heart stopped. Silence washed over us but it didn't take long for me to hear the faint 'pop' of Adrian's knuckles cracking. I could practically hear his teeth gritting together as he tried to wrestle in the words to say next.

"Thank you, Mother Giselle, for doing what you could."

His words were short, brusque and after he squeezed them out from between his teeth Adrian stormed off. I watched him go in silence, the somber mood weighing down upon me. Eleven deaths. Could I have helped any of them if we had made it here faster? Was it me that slowed us down to begin with?

"Do not trouble yourself, child." Mother Giselle said gently, "There was no more that could have been done. Many of them were sick before they arrived. And then the bandits attacked them just outside our perimeter, making the chances of survival low. I had hope but it became clear soon after the Herald left that there would be few who would last long enough for help to arrive."

I turned my head off in the direction Adrian had stormed off in. He had plunged back out into the icy air outside but where he would go to get his space I had no was little privacy to be had in Haven if first impressions told me anything accurate about it.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked slowly, "He...didn't look very pleased."

"There is much on his shoulders. I believe he will be ok but he needs some time. Come. We have much to discuss."

So I tore my eyes away from the door and delved into the endless pile of work that awaited me.


End file.
